Wednesday, December 31, 2008

GO HUSKIES!!!

Well...I made it! We got up early, went to have my blood drawn and then headed out in the wind and snow to Hartford. Bob Miller called on the cell phone when we were en route and was completely aghast that we were on Rte 2 headed to Hartford! He says, "but it's really SNOWING hard out there!" To which I replied, "really? We hadn't noticed!"

It was really snowing hard...and we ran into "white out" conditions. Saw one little accident. Most people were driving very slowly..but they still bunch up too much...ride on each other's butts. We were late getting to the game..the score was already 20-9 by the time we got into our seats.

Cori sat right in front of us...Marie had said Cori was in that section..but I didn't realize it was right in front!

We had a great time at the game...Sandy would go get us stuff to eat (the pizza was pretty decent) and I got Mel Thomas' book! The guy next to us came back with one...so I asked him where he got it. He told us...I gave Sandy $20 and off she went to get it...AND...Mel signed it for me! That was a nice surprise.

In the last four minutes of the game I ran out of steam. Not so much that I wasn't able to climb the stairs to get up to the concourse. Sandy was impressed that I did it without stopping to rest. Then Cori and I had to wait in line for the ladies room of course....and then we walked across the street to the parking garage.

The ride home wasn't as wild as the ride up. When we got home I went up and took a little nap...Sandy had the pleasure of going out and running her snowblower...which she does seem to enjoy!

Oh...the big news of the day...I weighed myself this AM--and I weighed 139lbs....haven't weighed that since I went in the ARMY!

I talked with Birgitta today...it was great to hear her voice! They don't have snow where they are in Sweden...she was hoping for some. I told her we had it coming down like crazy here.

Talked with Chris Whitley about Craig...who is still in a drug induced coma. Everytime they try to wean him from the ventilator he has problems. Thank God Chris got some other doctors in for consults...Craig's doctor was really screwing things up. Chris feels better after talking with the neurologist and a different pulmonologist. We are all praying that Craig's lung infection clears up and he is able to come off the vent.

Happy New Year everyone! Tomorrow Janet, Jess and maybe Jeremy (?) will be coming over for supper and playing Rock Band. We invited Carol and Mark too...don't know if they will come...I hope so.

It's Bubbles birthday tonight...my little baby turns seven! Hard to believe! She's going to spend her birthday being scared to death...it's very windy out there...she hates that...it really scares her. She'll be snuggled up close to me all night.

Nighty night...see you all next year! Next year will be a better year for sure!

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Big day tomorrow...we go to get my bloodwork done and then we're off to Hartford for the Husky UHart game...thanks to Marie and Don, who gave us their tickets.

Today I dragged most of the day...feeling "low grade ill"...probably from overdoing it yesterday. I dozed a bit in the recliner, which helped...but went up for a nap as soon as Sandy got up. I stayed up there dozing on and off for about two hours.

Sandy made steak tonight, "to feed my blood"...which is funny because last night I was thinking I should have steak. It was good, but I fill up fast...and then I went back later and finished it!

We're watching "Mama Mia" which I got for Christmas. I love the music of course...and am singing along with every song...and Sandy isn't even complaining...as she usually does when I sing along.

Tomorrow night is Bubbles birthday...she will be seven! I hope I can stay up long enough to watch Cathy Griffin and Anderson Cooper on CNN...and wish Bubbie a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Nighty night! Wish me strength to make it through the busy day tomorrow. THANKS!

Monday, December 29, 2008

Monday

Carol and Mark came over last night for supper and then we played with the Wii Rock Band. It was so much fun! I just did the singing...so I wouldn't get too tired out. Carol and Mark took turns making fools of themselves on the drums and guitar...but by the end they were getting the hang of it. We all agree that we have to get another guitar so we can have both guitar AND bass going for each song...and to allow four people to play at once.

I'm eating my lunch of pickled herring on rye crisps...I had bought a big tub of herring to bring to Phil's for Christmas and forgot it at home...now I have to get rid of all this herring! I had also bought a smaller jar of herring in sour cream...I have that to get rid of too...and I don't know anyone besides Steve who eats it!

Frank is coming up here to help Sandy work on fixing the awning..again. It collapsed under the weight of the snow. I'm driving down to their house while he's here, to hook up Jean's new laptop we got her for Christmas...and to hook up the wireless connections. Jean is anxious to start using her laptop. If I get too tired, she'll drive me home and ride back with Frank...nice plan, eh?

I do get tired, but it is a lot less than I did with the first round of chemo...my legs are aching too..but not too bad.

Poor Sandy, she has to do everything now. She's vacuuming the house, then will put the laundry away and do other chores. I did the laundry..I just can't lug the baskets...and besides she likes everything a "certain way"...those of you who know her know what I mean!

When I feel better I do try to help out around the house. I don't want her to get burned out. She works so hard and is so good to me.


Watched the Patriots beat the Bills, and it stinks that they didn't make the play-offs. Oh well..everyone better watch out next year! Spoken like a true Sox fan!

I recorded the Husky game and watched it this AM...lying in bed, resting up for my big trip to Waterford. The Huskies need to come home and be in their own environment for awhile...they played "okay" but weren't as dominant as they should have been.

I was going to go to that South Carolina game...last year when they set the date for the game I had plans to go to SC and see the game with my old Army pal, Debbie Besst, who lives down in Columbia. It would have been great to see her again after all these years...oh well...maybe I'll still get down there sometime soon.

Well...I better get my ass in gear to head south...gotta job to do...let's see how this goes...if I can drive down there...do the job and drive myself home..it will be a red letter day!

Sandy and I go to the UConn game on Wednesday...thanks to Marie and Don, who gave us their tickets. We get to see Jen Rizzotti's UHa team...Sandy has never seen this Husky team in person and she's very happy to be going. She loves Maya Moore. What's not to love about Maya??

Gotta go...catch you later!

Saturday, December 27, 2008




Maria sent me this card yesterday. I opened it while I was at chemo and I laughed my ass off. I showed it to my "roommate" who also got a big kick out of it.

I found in chemo it's hard to listen to "audio books" when you have another "roommate" with you...the tendency seems to be that everyone wants to yak. So I got to yak with three folks yesterday...the first lady just came in, got a shot and left...just long enough for us to say hello and goodbye. The other three were yakkers, like me. So the time passed fairly quickly.

Patricia..the second lady, and I, took a little nap together as we were both under the influence of benadryl at the same time. Then we perked up and chatted. She told us a harrowing tale. She was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was four months pregnant...with her first child. They told her that her options were chemo or abortion and she had a week to decide. She decided to have the baby and THEN start chemo. He's six months old now and she is struggling with the cancer. How the hell do you make a decision like that?

She gave me a good tip on her way out...she whispered to me.."carry hand sanitizer and use it frequently...we can't afford to get sick." She's very right and I have to be very vigilant. It helps that I go nowhere right now...but when I do get out and about and I will be doing that soon...I feel stronger and stronger....I need to protect myself from everyone else.

Last night Mary Anne Bouthillier dropped by on her way home from work to bring and get Christmas presents. We had a nice visit and she gave me "stress relief" body wash and lotion from Bath and Body works. Yes!

I thought for sure I would be crashing when I got home...but I was wide awake...and that continued when I went to bed...I laid there, not falling asleep, trying all the techniques I know to get to sleep...nothing worked. I got up and looked at the clock...it was only 11:45!! WTF!!??? When Sandy got up to go to work I asked her if any of the medications I got caused insomnia...wouldn't you know...ONE of them does...all the rest cause fatigue!

I came downstairs this AM...after sleeping about four hours...all full of pep. I made myself french toast, bacon and coffee for breakfast. After I ate I started feeling logey...which was not good, because Jean stayed over last night to be with me and stayed later this AM to take me down to Kohl's to pick up a pair of jeans and a pair of corduroys (all I need to make it through the winter with my new weight).

I sat down in the recliner and slowly sank into fatigue. Jean saw it and talked me out of going to the store...for which I was grateful! After she left I crawled upstairs and slept for three and half hours. That felt good.

Did I write here that Sandy got me the Wii Rock Band for Christmas? We, Sandy, Taylor, Ryan and I had a blast playing with it Christmas Day. I do really good (100%) on the singing, even songs I've never heard before! I did pretty good on the drums...Steve has to come over and try it...he'd love it. I didn't do as well on the guitar, but with it in bass mode I managed to not embarass myself.

We are going to have Carol and Mark come over...maybe tonight...to play with the band. It is so much fun...just like I thought it would be!

Hey, if you're putting your recyclables out...don't put all your boxes of things you got for Christmas (Rock Band, big screen tv, playstation, etc) out there where thieves will see them. Then they know what you have in your house. Put them in your NEIGHBOR's recyclables! LOL! I learned this lesson a long time ago...my Aunt Dottie had bought a new vcr, big screen tv and stereo system...the thieves saw the boxes out front and broke in and took everything! I always hide the labels, cut the boxes up to look smaller, put them under the recyle box, etc. Or I put them at the neighbors..whatever works!

Friday, December 26, 2008

Well...here I sit hooked up to the old chemo bag. It's nice up here...a little cramped with two of us to a room. The lay-out is bad...bad placement of the electrical outlets, bad lip on the bathroom door which makes it hard to drag the IV pole into the bathroom, etc. They never consulted the nurses when they made the rooms! Poor planning...but you see that happen all the time.

While I've been hooked up two other people have already come and gone...the third one is in with me now. The friend with her is originally from Killingly...so I got to do my BEAT KILLINGLY cheer.

They pushed the benadryl first...that didn't knock me out...but made me feel all woozy for about an hour or so...then I dozed off for a bit.

Sandy found Dr. Lachance out making his rounds...he came by to say hi and to chat.

They have snacks here....chips, pretzels, etc. And they bring a variety of sandwiches around at noon time...but the tuna sandwich I got was soggy on the bottom and that turns me off....so I guess I'll be having Sandy get me lunch or I'll bring it with me.

I guess I have a couple more hours to go. Then I'll be heading home and crawling into bed. On the way home we're going to swing by the new house that the Extreme Home Makeover guys built in Voluntown. Sandy spotted the roof, towering over the other houses on the way up today.

They just hung my second bag of chemo...one more after this one and then they run saline through for a half hour...I'm just trying to estimate the time.

I'm going to sign off now and nap a little..

Nighty night!

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Christmas Day

We went to Phil and Renee's last night...getting there around 6:30. Had a wonderful time, great food, seeing the family and especially my Dad. Took some good pictures and then crashed hard around 10:00. We left for home, but by the time we got there I felt really ill...Sandy was right, it was all because I was overtired.

A few hours sleep later I felt good. No more mice in the bed, so I was able to sleep the night with minimal interruptions. This morning I feel kind of weak, but not bad.

Marcia emailed me that the other hospital sent over info that we don't want/need about my port. We're trying to find out WHAT KIND of port they implanted in my chest...they sent over the notes from the operation! What don't they understand about WHAT manufacturer they used???

Tomorrow I go for my second round of chemo. Jean will drive, Sandy will come with. They may have to leave me during the day to take Truman to the vet's...there is something wrong with his eye. Sandy has been treating it with medication that we had left over from Murphy's eye ordeal...it seems to be working...but she's concerned that he's scratched it.

Anyway...tomorrow I may or may not get the experimental drug. I don't know the side effects of the medication...Sandy does...she has looked it up. So, if I get side effects that she recognizes from the literature it MAY tell us that I am indeed getting the extra drug. We'll have to see.

I know that I will be tired for the next few days, so don't expect that I will be making entries in the blog...I'll be too content to be up in my beautiful king-sized bed, catching the ZZZZZZZZZssssss!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Merry Christmas!

Well...we had a bit of excitement last night. We went to bed early...probably around 9:30. We were very tired and had a big day ahead of us.

About 11:30 I hear Murphy crying outside the bedroom door, then he came in through the kitty door that we have in the bedroom door. Then I hear him cry again...but this time it was a weird cry and I got the thought in my head that something was wrong...maybe he was sick.

I called him up on the bed...he jumped up and I was petting him...when suddenly I feel a small "something" run across my hip around my back and over the pillows above my head! I knew right away it was a mouse! A mouse that Murphy just brought into our bed!

I jumped up yelling that there was a mouse in the bed. Sandy got up and turned on the lights as I conveniently beat feet into the bathroom...having decided that I needed to relieve myself.

Sandy turned the Russells loose in the room to look for the mouse...they didn't find anything so she insisted that there was no mouse...I, of course, insisted that there was....then I hear her say "got it...there he is!" The mouse was under the bed.

Well...somehow the mouse got away....and I got back into bed. Sandy had the dogs look for the mouse for awhile longer and then she, and they, got back into bed. Truman was all excited and took awhile falling asleep...as did I. Sandy and Bub went right off to sleep. I lay there for a looooooooong time.

Well...all night long every little thing seemed like a mouse trying to get up on the bed! It was a long night...I kept getting up and going to the bathroom and then when I would get back in bed, I'd "hear" mice everywhere.

In the morning when I let Bub out I couldn't help but notice that Murphy was interested in the fire wood holder next to the fireplace...I figured that Sandy brought the creature in when she brought the wood in yesterday. I told Sandy and she pooh-poohed it...of course...just like there was no mouse upstairs last night.

When I came down later with Bub and she went nuts on the fire wood...I knew I was right and insisted that Sandy take care of it. She did...she picked up one piece of wood at a time, with the dogs on either side of the holder...the lucky winner was Bubbles who pounced on the mouse as soon as it was exposed...she killed it and then ate it! If Truman hadn't been around she would have dropped it for Sandy, but since he grabbed a mouse from her once before and ate it...she doesn't mess around anymore when Truman is around!

So that takes care of the Christmas mouse...it's gone, gone, gone.

I was able to drive myself to the hospital this AM for my bloodwork, then over to Stop and Shop to pick up herring for tonight, stuff to clean my uniform brass and sour cream for that chili....I had to park and walk a distance and it wasn't bad!

I still had energy, and time..so on the way home from the store I went up to see my old neighbor Trudy. We visited for awhile and then it was time for me to end my solo adventure and head home.

I had my lunch and now I'm headed up to bed to take a nap...and then it will be time to get ready to head up to Phil's to see the family.

Merry Christmas and Happy Channukah Everyone!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Quiet day. Jean came up and brought more hats....one that looks like a "Where's Waldo?" hat...red and with stripe with a tossle on the top....one hideous green, orange and red one; one blue one and one non-descript number. She got them from the RSVP ladies...she didn't need to tell me that...I recognized the style from a 100 feet away!

I think I'll "regift" them.

Jean also brought chili and corn muffins. YUM! Just finished a bowl and it's hitting the spot.

I got my Christmas presents wrapped...all eight of them! The pile for Sandy seems meager by previous year's standards...but I know she'll love all of them.

Tomorrow I have to go for my weekly bloodwork. I'll see how I'm feeling in the AM...if I'm up to it I will drive myself down. I haven't driven my car since the first week of November...remember I'm still working on that tank of gas that I bought around Halloween...for $3.27 a gallon! It's one way to stretch your mileage!

If I don't feel up to it...Sandy will take me. And then I'm going to come home and rest...for the big party at Phil and Renee's tomorrow night!

The whole family will be there...well, probably not Ernie. Maria, Phil (of course), Steve, Roxie, Virginia, Andrew, Audrey and Luke (from Baltimore), Renee, Austin, my Dad and Wini...and Renee's family. That's our Christmas Eve group.

I'm sick of the cold. Tomorrow is supposed to warm up...everything will melt a bit and then freeze again on Christmas Day...then melt again on Saturday.

Marcia wrote me...she's still working on getting information about my port. She's got the head nurse for the 4th floor on the case. The problem is that after they implanted the port in my chest...they never gave me the ID bracelet and ID card that explains what type of port it is...AND they did give me information...about two different types of ports. Sandy felt the port and said that it is NOT one that Backus staff would be familiar with...and Backus would be the other hospital I would be going to if needed...so we need to find out what type of port it is!

So, Miss Marcia has been on the ball...working diligently on this situation. She is still my favorite nurse (and I have to insert the caveat...besides Sandy) and I really appreciate her continued work on my behalf!

Too bad she doesn't read this blog...she has no idea how I brag on her!

Well....I'm going to put my feet up and chill....

Nighty night!

Monday, December 22, 2008

More work, work, work

Sandy had to go into work early this AM to take CPR classes. The dogs were up and fed and didn't think I should get to sleep late. So, I got up and took a shower and boy, was it tough rinsing the shampoo out of my hair!

Janet, Jess and Jeremy were coming for lunch, so I straightened up the house a bit and then I vacuumed the first floor! WOW!! I did make sure I didn't lift the vacuum..as I'm not supposed to lift more than five pounds...according to Dr. Lachance.

I completely ignored that weight limit edict a short while later, when I picked Truman up and put him out on the deck....when "The J's" arrived, he just went nuts, running around, flying up on my lap, jumping all over me! I asked him to calm down...it wasn't happening...so I picked him up and put him out...as I was closing the door I realized he weighs a bit more than five pounds! Oh well...not THAT much more...but I did herniate myself lifting Bubbles (who is lighter) after my gastric bypass...so we'll see what happens.

I stayed up late last night watching the Lady Vols and Stanford play basketball...a really pathetic game. It was an embarassment for women's bball, really. Then there was a great show about a woman who coaches a high school boy's basketball team in Brooklyn NY. That show was great, but it put me in bed around 11:30.

Mary Ann may be dropping by tonight on her way home from work. I have to tell her how everyone loves that throw she bought me at Kohl's. I love it too...because it's nice and warm...and so good looking!

I got a Christmas card today from someone I don't even know. It was from the Delawares who live in Maine, for God's sake! I know their daughter, Cathy, who is a good friend of Maria's...we've even been on vacation together...twice, Disney and Italy. But I never met Mom and Dad Delaware.

I know that thus far there are 26 people subscribed to this blog...but I also know that there are lots more who read it who aren't subscribed. I hear from people via email, cards, etc. about how they read the blog. I don't know what is so damned interesting about this blog...but it seems that there are people who follow it and enjoy it.

I used to have a blog BEFORE I got sick...lots of people read that one too...then I had to shut it down because AOL wasn't going to offer that feature any more. I couldn't understand why people would want to read it...it was just about my mundane existence. But now that I am reading other people's blogs, I understand.

I love reading Maria's blog...about what she made for supper, the party she went to, what she, Karin, Cathy and Jane are up to. Lindsay has a new blog about her adventures with Jim in the new motorhome, traveling with the dogs. Sue has a blog and I keep up with her latest adventures in her quest to get a new apartment and her weight loss journey.

Blogs are fun and mostly harmless. I do enjoy writing in this one and I'm happy that other people enjoy it too.

So, welcome Delawares and all the other "Delawares" who are out there that I don't even know about! Welcome to my world...with all it's foibles, warts, laughs and tribulations. It's real life!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Work work work





Made a conscious effort to be a contributor today. I did the laundry, four loads, washed the dishes that Sandy had left in the sink and I cleaned the master bathroom, sinks and toilet. I even fed the dogs tonight! AND...fed Murphy too!

All of this involved climbing up and down the stairs multiple times...which I think I need to do more. I have been feeling weak in my legs the last few days.

I think tomorrow I'm going to drag out the Wii and do some work on that. Balance and yoga stuff to start. I'll take it slow and take plenty of breaks.

I also have to wrap gifts tomorrow...not that much to wrap...most of my gifts to Sandy are gift certificates...which she loves because then she gets what SHE wants.

She's outside snowblowing again. We got more snow today...and it's wet and heavy. I don't know how good the blower will be with that.

I went out for a bit to take pictures of the house in the snow. It was very pretty out there. Unfortunately, as I was downloading the pictures to the computer, I missed the local fire dept coming by with Santa on the back! I couldn't unhook the connections and run out there fast enough. I'm glad they do this in Griswold...Norwich always came by every year and I used to go out to wave at them...get the candy cane they handed out and take pictures. I missed it this year!

OOOPS! The UConn women are going to be playing in a few minutes...I gotta go watch them!

Nighty night!

Saturday, December 20, 2008

The Open House

So, Tina came right on time and picked me up to go to Richard's. I got to ride in her mini Cooper...so cool! The seats are heated! What a treat!

Anyway...we drove through the slush to Central Village. We were not the first ones to arrive. We got to visit with Wayne, Lisa, Jim and Deb..and Richard, of course. And surprise surprise..Russ showed up early! We had a great time visiting and laughing...and then I started getting tired...so we headed home.

I got home and went up to bed....turned on the tv just in time to watch the Huskies play Gonzaga....I thought I would doze off during the game...but no way...it was TOO EXCITING! The game ended up going into overtime on a AJ Price circus shot for three points...with 11 seconds left. The Huskies held on for the win in overtime. What a great game!

Now I'm downstairs because Sandy has to take her nap before she goes to work. We're getting more snow....I don't know if it's going to start tonight or tomorrow...but more snow is headed this way. We'll be cleaning house tomorrow, wrapping gifts and sending out more Christmas cards...I know I know...late. But that's the way it goes.

I keep forgetting to mention that I heard from my friend Craig's son last week. Craig is a friend of mine from the Army...I used to work with him and I lived with him and his wife, my friend Rita, for sometime when I was at Ft Jackson. Well..Rita died 10 years ago of a heart condition...I still think of her frequently and I miss her terribly. Well..now Craig is in the hospital (in Ohio) after having a bad heart attack. When Christopher called me (and it's so eery talking to him because he sounds JUST LIKE Craig)...Craig was on a "heart pump" and on a ventilator. They have now unhooked him from the pump and are trying to wean him off the ventilator.

I want to ask my buddies who read this to send good, healing thoughts Craig's way. He is a special friend of mine and is such a good guy....I can't stand the thought of losing him. He means so much to me. So, please send a good thought his way. Thanks!

As for me..I'm doing JUST GREAT! Feel free to stop worrying so much about me!

Don't forget the UConn women play tomorrow on CPTV at 4:30. And it would be nice if you made a little pledge to CPTV to thank them for carrying those games...we are so lucky to be able to see our favorite team play just about every game on tv. NO OTHER women's team...and lots of men's teams...have that much tv coverage!

Nighty night and stay warm!

Going out....

We got about nine and a half inches of snow last night...and more of a dusting coming down now. I got up and made breakfast for us...grits and eggs...haven't made that in AGES!!! Sandy was very happy!

After we ate Sandy got bundled up and headed out to use her new toy...the snowblower we bought in September. She (and I) were shocked to see Mark and Cliff at the head of our driveway...plowing out the heavy stuff that the plow had shoved up there. That was so nice of them...it made me think of how Todd from across the street used to plow us out when we lived on Sunrise Street...so I immediately called Chris to tell her we were thinking of her and Todd. She told me that Todd was out plowing their driveway and she was looking our old driveway...thinking about how he used to plow us out! Amazing, isn't it?

Anyhow, Sandy was able to get the whole driveway, plus paths for the pups out back, done in about two hours and she says she isn't even tired! Love that snow blower!

Tina just called, she's on her way to come and get me. We're going to Richard's Annual Open House in Central Village. I haven't seen the Dempsey folks in ages, so it will be wonderful to be there. I know Russ can't get there until later, but I'm hoping to see Maureen, maybe Maureen Cedio and some other folks...and Uncle Dick, of course!

I better go upstairs and get ready! I'm feeling really good today. Just as Dr. Lachance says, "just when you start to feeling really good, it's time for another chemo and you start all over again!" I'm going to enjoy this feeling while it lasts...just hope I don't get too pooped going out.

Talk at ya later! I'll be sure to "dish the dirt" from the party!

Friday, December 19, 2008

WOO HOO!!!




It's off...it's all off!

Sandy is so funny. I was bugging her about my hair...saying how I didn't like it like it was...I wanted it buzzed off. She said, "it wouldn't bother me...people are funny..they get hung up on their hair...if it was me I'd just have it buzzed off." HELLO! What the HELL????!!!! Isn't that what I just said?

Anyway, she dug out the old Toby clippers and they didn't work. So, she took the scissors and hacked away. Then we figured out how to get the clipper to work so she buzzed it off. The clipper quit almost immediately. So she took them apart and put them back together again...with difficulty.

She finally finished the job...and it looks GREAT!

I had her take pictures of the whole process...and will post them here, once I finish charging the camera battery.

We are going to buy a new clipper set though...the old one is too unreliable...and I'm going to need to be shaved again I'm sure.

So, I'm a baldy and Bern (my old hairdresser) was right...the back of my head is flat! My mother always was afraid of crib death and she made us lie on our backs in the crib...flattening the back of the head. It gives me a Germanic look...or the typical Swedish "square head!"

I like it.

Hair Today...Gone Tomorrow

Okay..I've just about had it with the hair! It kept coming out last night in the bed, getting in my mouth, my eyes, etc. So, when I took my shower this morning I just knew that it was the last time I'd be shampooing my hair for awhile!

Sure enough, in the shower, the hair rained down almost as hard as the water. It was sticking to my arms, legs, bunching up in huge clumps on the thing we have over the drain to catch hair...oddly enough! I couldn't clean it all up from the floor of the shower, Sandy said she would take care of it.

So, I'm sure that tonight I'll send Sandy to look for the clippers I used to use on Toby..many years ago, when Toby was still alive. If it's good enough for a cockapoo..it's good enough for me.

In the meantime I have my head wrapped up in a pink bandanna. I had it wrapped "babushka style"...which Sandy apparently didn't like..so she rewrapped it for me to make it more stylish.

Janet and Jess are going to try to plow their way here through the snow. It hasn't started snowing yet, so they just might make it! It is really supposed to snow heavily between 3-8 they say. Should be interesting. Oh well..it's not like we don't have room for them if they get snowed in! That would be fun...a pajama party! But they won't have pajamas....

I was able to hike up to the mailbox today...no problem. When I was coming back into the yard this car comes flying down the driveway with two women who I don't recognize in it...and they are all smiling at me! They jump out of the car and I'm like, "who are you?" They say their names...they are the Relay for Life chairpersons and they came to bring me a thank you card for being a team captain.

So I tell them that something new I'm trying this year is ovarian cancer as a motivator for people to donate money for the relay. They are SO EXCITED to hear this! LOL! I tell them that I'm getting ready to jump start my team...which I am...but I want to wait until after Christmas and all the distractions. I think we will get a lot more walkers this year and will hopefully raise a lot more money.

Last year I think our team was the top "small team" in fund raising for the Relay. We compete favorably with some of the bigger teams and every year we raise more money.

It was very nice of those two to drop off the little gift and card. I think there is candy in the little package they dropped off...I'll dig into that after lunch!

Ta ta...time to go and watch the snow fall!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Bad Hair Day

Took a nap this afternoon with the pooches, slept for 2 a half hours...felt a bit better. Not so achy and exhausted.

Tonight I'm sitting here, pulling big hunks of hair out of my head. Sandy is going to get a shaver this weekend and I think if the hair doesn't just all come out...we're going to buzz cut my head! I don't want it to come out all clumpy and scattered...leaving my head looking all weird and patchy! I wanna look SMOOTH BABY!!! LOL!!

Vacillating back and forth between freezing and roasting...gotta love those hot flashes!

Tomorrow we get a lot of snow. Janet and Jess and Jeremy were going to come up...now I'm bummed because I think it may be too snowy for them to visit. And we were going to do Chinese too...I was looking forward to having pork egg fu young! Oh well...maybe I'll still send Sandy out to get it for me...that Highlander has snow mode, four wheeled drive, etc. She should be able to travel to downtown Jewett City with no problem!

Nighty night!

BIG DAY!!

Big day yesterday. Jean came up Tuesday afternoon to stay over and get the dogs fed in the AM so I didn't have to do it. Sandy got off work, drove right up to the garage and I got into the car and we went right off to Backus Hospital to get my bloodwork done. Right off the bat I couldn't stand up very long at the counter waiting for them to enter all my info. YIKES! I had to sit down. Not a good sign.

I had my blood drawn...very good job...didn't even feel the needle going in.

Then we were off to L&M to see Dr. Lachance. We thought our appointment was for 9am...when we got in there we found out it was still 11am! Another YIKES! But, they took us in right away and we were out of there before we knew it! Dr. Lachance breaks the news to me that I have to have a damned pelvic exam every third visit! He conveniently forgot to tell me that information before! If I had known that going into this thing, I would have said forget the whole thing! Or, I would have negotiated to get paid for it like I get paid at work!

After we were finished with the medical stuff..we went to the coffee shop for breakfast. As I was walking there I knew it was a mistake, as I could feel myself "sinking" more and more. I was pooped by the time I finished off my bacon and egg and some toast and home fries. It took all of my strength to sit in the darn lobby, waiting for Sandy to bring the car around!

We made it home...with me whining the whole time. No kidding. I was so tired and aching. I crawled upstairs and got into bed....freezing cold! I slept from around 11am to 2pm and then woke up feeling sick. I decided I was hungry so I went downstairs and got lunch. That helped me feel better, but still very achy and tired.

I didn't see how the hell I was going to be able to make it to Lynne's house for our holiday party! I put the car seat back and laid back all the way down to Jean's house. We picked her up and then went to Lynne's. I immediately set myself up in a nice cozy chair in the corner, covered up with my throw and my slippers on my feet.

It was so good being there, listening to everyone talk and laugh. Chatting with folks and closing my eyes from time to time. I ate some great appetizers...very tasty and almost finished off the plate of food Sandy got me! I will say that our gang really knows how to cook! Then we had dessert (I had one of Jean's oatmeal lace cookies) and coffee. Then we had our gift exchange...wonderful gifts this year!

I was wide awake about half way through the party and didn't feel bad at all! All those folks give me such good energy!

We came home and went right up to bed. I watched tv for awhile and then had a very restless night. At 3:45 in the AM I'm in the bathroom having a BM! Unbelievable! After that I was able to sleep better, but I'm still achy, despite taking my tylenol extra strength. I also sneezed a couple of times last night and can't help but wonder if I've caught Sandy's cold.

I had a great great time last night...am so glad I went! Lynne is such a wonderful hostess...their house is made for entertaining and we all agree that we feel so comfortable when we are there. Great time, great folks, great food...what a combo!

Today I'm feeling like I have the flu. Going to be lying low, keeping quiet and sleeping a bit. Sandy is going out this afternoon to meet with the retirement lady at the hospital and then she is going to Ryan's basketball game...so i will nap and then feed the dogs for the first time in ages...they'll be getting kibble. We'll see if I go down the cellar stairs to feed Murphy....I think he can wait until Sandy comes home.

Going to sign off and rest now.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

I just "came to" today and realized I need to get on the stick and start ordering Christmas presents for Sandy! Thank God for shopping on the internet! I have done little store shopping over the past three years....I'm totally into skipping the store experience!

So, I got some shopping done today...that, coupled with the shopping that Jean took care of for me...should pretty much finish off the big stuff for Sandy.

I don't worry one whit about Sandy reading this...she NEVER reads my blog! I dunno why...maybe it's the same reason we don't go into each others purses without permission...or read each other's mail/email without permission.

My mother used to snoop through everything...when we were kids, we had NO PRIVACY! Not even in the bathroom were you safe...she would bust through that door while we were in the tub...sit her butt down on the toilet and strike up a conversation with us...I miss those days! But, it left me with a profound respect for personal privacy regarding mail...etc. Not about the bathroom however...as Homer Simpson says.."I'm whizzing with the door open!"

But I digress....I don't worry about Sandy reading this...I could even post what I got her...she would be clueless...but all of Backus Hospital would know...because apparently people there are reading this blog...and chatting about it! HI BACKUS FOLKS!

Tomorrow I have a big day...first I will have to feed the doggies for the first time in about a month and a half. Then Sandy will come home from work, pick me up and off we go to Backus to get my bloodwork done...Carol reminded Sandy of a little-known collection station at the hospital that is quick and easy to use...and they do "stat" work..so the results will be faxed to my doctor quickly. Then we go down to L&M to see Dr. Lachance at 9am. After that, she has to run some errands and then we will both take a nap when we get home. She, because she will have worked all night and me, because that's what I do every day and I'm sure I'll be worn out from all the activity.

Tomorrow night I get to see all my retiree buddies at Lynne's house. We're having our annual holiday get-together. I've been looking forward to this for a month now and I can't believe it's finally here! It will be so good to see everyone.

A little disconcering development is the fact that when I eat a normal meal now, my stomach has problems with it. I am afraid that scar tissue from the surgery is causing some mini blockages. I've had to deal with this before and I know what to do when it gets bad (get in a tub of hot water)..but I would prefer to NOT have to deal with this after every meal! Here's hoping I'm wrong.

What weather we are having! I had two windows open last night...it was so warm. Today we have sleet on the deck. Crazy New England weather! At least we don't have ice storms as they had up north.

I'm not liking the way this blog posts pictures. I posted an album of "hospital pictures" on my Facebook page. Here is the link to see them...feel free to list me as your friend if you are on Facebook...or if you join!

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1504187081&ref=profile

I don't know if I'll be posting another entry for today...so even though it's just noontime...I'll still say...

Nighty night!

Monday, December 15, 2008

Pictures from 1st hospitalization...starting from bottom





Big Day

Big day today. I got up early and took my own shower, standing up in the shower this time. More hair coming out...but still no bald spots. Got my clothes out and got myself dressed. I was even able to put my foot up on the bathroom counter top to dry my legs off!

Then I had breakfast and Sandy drove us over to Lindsay and Jim's to see their new motorhome before they leave for Florida this week. It was such a treat to be riding in the car and not be heading to the hospital, doctor's appointment or bloodwork!

The motorhome is BEAUTIFUL! We just fell in love with it...with it's four slideouts, custom cabinetry, kitchen island, the whole thing is gorgeous!

Lindsay had some "books on tape" for me...some more stuff to do while sitting for the eight hours at chemo appointments.

I started fading a bit after about an hour, so we headed home. When we got home I realized Deanna had called and I had missed her call. I tried to call her on her cell..she wasn't answering. I took a chance and called Lazizah...sure enough! They were there and Iffat was just telling them that I loved the falafel sandwich and she was adding a bowl of chicken corn chowder!

It was great talking with Iffat for a minute or so...I miss going down there...that's one of my next goals...to drive myself to Lazizah for a falafel sandwich.

Deanna and Lorraine showed up bearing the gifts of good food. We all ate in the dining room and got caught up on the latest. We haven't seen them since September I think it was! Then they got on the internet and showed us the house that they are buying...it is beautiful! Love the grounds...the details in the house...the tub and shower, the kitchen...everything.

After they left I went upstairs and took a three hour nap....it felt good. I guess I got rundown a bit from all the travel and visiting.

Oh...Ellen O'Donoghue emails me and tells me that she can't wait to write on my bald head! I love that idea! I'm going to have people sign my bald head like you have people sign your cast when you break an arm! Isn't that the best idea? Thanks Ellie Belle!

Keep those good ideas coming. You know, some time ago I posted a concern of what I would do if I had to call 911 in the middle of the night...what would I do with the dogs? Well..Lindsay came up with the idea of putting them in soft-sided kennels in our bedroom. Sandy went out and bought two kennels cheap and they are all set up in the bedroom. I don't have that concern any more! If I hadn't posted that in this blog, Lindsay wouldn't have come up with the idea!

I have such resourceful and creative friends...keep those ideas coming!

I'm actually looking forward to being bald now.

Going to watch the Huskies (guys) play tonight...I want to see Stanley Robinson back in a UConn uniform...I love him!

Nighty night!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

I forgot to note that yesterday, when I woke up, I couldn't help but notice that my scalp was very sensitive in a big spot in the back of my head. This persisted as I shampooed my hair and then I noticed some clumps of hair coming out of my head...and when I looked in the mirror, other clumps sticking out weirdly from the side of my head!

I told Sandy about this...and she, who has been doing ALL the research on this illness and the progression of chemo, etc...informed me that this signals the start of my hair starting to come out! A bit early perhaps, but it's beginning! This means that as I suspected...I will be bald by January sometime. Good thing I have those hats from Marie and Linda! Thanks Gals!

So...that was the other big news from yesterday. Big Whup!

Today I had to climb those damned stairs twice to get the dogs out to pee in the AM...that damned Truman, wouldn't get out of bed! I had to traipse back upstairs and flip the covers back, and he looks at me like..."what? you want me to get up??" As if I wasn't yelling for him for five minutes downstairs...trying to avoid having to go upstairs again. That little crud!

I called Sandy at work and asked her to pick up waffles for me on her way home...she was going to the store anyway. She did and I made myself two of them for breakfast. Yum!

Today I'll be watching the Huskies on CPTV at 2:30...then the Patriots at 4:15...oh, and I'll be recording the Lady Vols playing Texas at 2pm..so I can watch that one later. Big day!

I am so cold...that loss of muscle really reduces the insulation! I'm wearing my new sweats that Jean got for me...they hang on me and I wear my Sox sweatshirt with hood up...I look like a monk! All bundled up in the throw that MaryAnne Bouthillier brought for me...I love it!

Now I have to nap, so I can enjoy the games.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Smooth Saturday

I realized tonight that I can afford to go down to 131 pounds, which was an adult weight for me...granted I was 21 and teaching school at the time! This is good news as I weighed myself this AM and am down to 141...I now weigh the same as Sandy! I'm not going to stress about this anymore, after Weight Watchers says I "should" weigh 136.

The only concern I have is, will I have to go broke buying new clothes? My clothing hangs on me now...not a good look, for sure. I got addicted to my credit cards and clothes shopping after I lost the weight from the gastric bypass...I can't afford to go that route again!

I got up all on my own this AM and let the dogs out. No problem. Jean was the witness that I could do it by myself...so now she feels better about leaving me on my own tonight.

In addition, this morning I got up and took a shower, on my own. I did everything...got my clean clothes out, showered, toweled off, dried my hair, and got dressed! I even shaved my legs...a job that needed doing LAST MONTH!

Sandy did come up and put lotion on my feet and got my socks on for me...but that was because after all that effort I was prone on the bed! I laid there for awhile, recuperating. She brought me my protein shake to get me going...which did the trick.

I came downstairs and had oatmeal, cup of joe and the protein shake for breakfast.

Mike called and they wanted to come for a visit..I told them, "come on down!" Which they did. It was so good to see the two of them. Bob kept his distance because he still has a bit of a cold....which I appreciated.

After they left I ate some lunch and then when Sandy got up, went up for a nap. Sandy took the dogs for a long walk tonight and came home freezing. It's in the 20s and falling fast out there! I'm glad I'm nice and warm in here.

Sandy is making steak tonight...yum! I'm hoping I have a repeat of last night's supper, when I ate double helpings of the fish and the spinach. Tonight, steak, peas and stuffed potato. I think I'll add either stewed tomatoes or applesauce to that mix. Decisions, decisions...

Don't forget, the Huskies are playing tomorrow at 2pm I believe. Maybe on ESPN?

Nighty night!

Friday, December 12, 2008

Better and better

Good night's sleep last night, despite the wind and rain howling. I drank a protein shake before I put the light's out and that helped calm my stomach. Maybe I've been hungry all this time. You know, since my gastric bypass surgery, I have had trouble figuring out when I am hungry.

I don't feel hunger like I used to. Usually when I've gone too long between meals, I feel a bit ill and Sandy has to tell me to eat. So..last night I remembered that and had the protein shake. BIG DIFFERENCE!!

I got up at nine and came downstairs. Sandy went out shopping and left me to fend for myself...which I can handle now. I got myself my lunch and snacks and went up for a nap at 2pm. Slept until 4pm...this is my new routine....I don't mind it.

Jean is here for dinner and to stay the night with me. I think this will be the last night I'll need that until my next chemo session starts...and I may not need it then either.

She and Sandy are making fish tonight and I'm really looking forward to having it...been thinking about it all day.

Just going to veg out tonight and get to bed at a decent hour. Quiet weekend ahead. Nice.

Nighty night!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Modeling

I see where Jennifer Anniston is making quite a stir by appearing on GQ wearing nothing but a Brooks Bros. tie.

This got me to thinking..."what do I have to lose by showing off my new bod wearing nothing but one of Mr. Peeper's bow ties?" I can do better than Jen!

Email me privately for copies of those pics.

Quiet day. Got up early and ate a nice bowl of reduced sugar oatmeal, that I made myself and a cup of coffee...also made by me.

Sandy had a MD appt. at noon, so I made my own lunch too...had some of that great winter squash soup that Barb brought over last night...Mary the chef had made it for me! I added a half of a ham and cheese on pumpernickel sandwich and had a nice little meal.

After I let lunch sit for abit I made my way back upstair with Lily and Bubbles. I was so tired, but I didn't fall asleep for a long time...which was okay...it felt good just lying there, being quiet. I finally dozed later on and got up refreshed at around 2:30...back downstairs for a little snack of ice cream and Animal Crackers (a comfort food for me).

When Sandy got home I told her I had a hankering for pizza again...so off she went to Joe DiMaggio's in downtown Jewett City (a real experience...if you've never been there...do yourself a favor)....to get me a small hamburg and spinach pizza. I had two wonderful slices.

Later I cleaned the half bath downstairs while Sandy vacuumed and then I windexed around downstairs. That pretty much wiped me out...so that's it for my house cleaning tasks for awhile!

Now I'm vegging in the recliner, waiting for Survivor to start...then it's off to bed to rejuvenate for another day!

Pretty boring stuff, eh? I like it this way!

Nighty night!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Meeting My Goals

Last night, as I was lying in bed, listening to the wind howl I had the realization that lately I have achieved a number of goals that I had set for myself.

First, I have wanted to get my weight down to aourn 150, for the past two years or so. I have exercised, watched my diet, etc...but it still stayed in the 165 area and I was getting ready to resign myself to the fact that I would never get back to 150. Well..right now I weigh 146...Sandy weighs only five pounds less! Who would have thunk? I know that I need to add some weight to this, muscle weight..as I have withered away in that department...but I don't think it's unrealistic to expect I can do that and stay in the 150 range!

I have also wanted to get more hours of sleep per night. I read an article about how your blood pressure, heart etc were helped by getting just a couple of hours more sleep a night. Well...lately I've been going to bed at 9pm, sometimes even earlier, rather than my usual 11-midnight routine. I have even been sleeping later into the morning...getting up at 9 instead of 7...so that goal is being met!

I have wanted to spend more time at home....I had been getting into a whirling vortex of working, appointments, meetings and running all over the place. Well, today I got in the car and went out for just the first time in a week! Much more time at home!

Even before the gas crisis I had been cutting back on unnecessary trips. My car is pretty fuel efficient, but those $50-60 fill-ups were killing me! Jean told me today that gas sells for something like $1.70 per gallon! Well..the last time I filled the Camry it cost me $3.27 a gallon! So, you can see, I have really cut down on my trips! I think the last time I filled the car was at the end of October and here we are..almost Christmas! Pretty darned good if I do say so myself!

Another big goal I had for myself was to get ovarian cancer, or something like it, just to see how I would handle the news, the chemo, etc. You know...like a test of self, willpower, etc. Oh wait....that was never one of my goals!

Never mind!

Went out this AM to get my blood drawn. I told the tech to get used to seeing me, I'll be there every Wednesday from now on. She was very nice and assured me that she would get the results faxed to my doctor's office by noon each Wednesday. It took so much energy just walking into the building, standing there while they fiddled and diddled with my paperwork, that I started to doze as she was drawing the tubes of blood! I'm sure it won't be like that everytime...but today sure was draining.

I'm at the point following chemo where my blood counts are going to be at their lowest. This is when I have to avoid people who are sick and I have to rest a lot. Unfortunatly, Sandy brought a cold home from work...so we are avoiding breathing on each other.

For the next couple of days I might not post here...the lure of the bed is strong my friend!

Of course, last night as soon as it started blowing and raining...the leak was back in the bedroom...drip drip drip. It should get worse today as it is really going to blow and POUR! The guy who swore he would be out to take a look never did of course. For all the talk of tradespeople looking for work we haven't been successful in getting any of them to come for electrical work that needs to be done and now for the roof! If they played their cards right, they might get a whole roofing job out of us! But hopefully, it's just a bad shingle or flashing or something like that. We just need SOMEONE who knows what they are doing to come take a look! Until then we'll be listening to the drip drip drip into the bucket in the bedroom!

May that be the worst thing that happens to us!

Now, back to achieving more of my goals!

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

SUCCESS!!!

My new best friend, a nurse who's name I do not know, gave Sandy advice about what to do for my bowels...and this AM we had success! It took a long, uncomfortable night to get to that success point...but who gives a rat's ass? It's done, done, done!

Now I will keep up on taking the senna and the stool softeners, so I don't ever have to bore you with the sordid details again!

In my family, bms have always been a topic of almost daily conversation. My siblings I'm sure can remember my Nana discussing her bowel regime many times. My mother being very concerned about whether or not we were having "marble doo-doos" (which Steve and I shortened to say "mahbah doo-doos)....my mother telling us to eat right, plenty of fiber, veggies (green and yellow) and make sure we didn't get constipated.

I can hear my mother's voice now...telling me not to be stupid....don't get in that situation again...I'm choosing to listen to that voice.

Anyhoo...watched the Rutgers game last night...they played Georgia in the Jimmy V classic. I have watched, and contributed to the Jimmy V foundation before, but last night, because of where I'm sitting now, it really touched me. Unless you have gone through chemotherapy and know what it does to your body, you can't really appreciate the fact that that guy got up there on that stage, in his condition, and made that speech, the speech that inspired the development of a foundation that has raised $80 million for cancer research! Unbelievable. I don't know how he did it...it was sheer will and determination, trust me.

The game was horrible...unworthy of being a Jimmy V classic game. Rutgers looks like a high school team. No one helping each other out, multiple turnovers for traveling for crying out loud! It was embarrasing to women's basketball to say the least. I felt bad for Andy Landers, the Georgia coach, who sucked it up big time to be at the game, he had been on IVs all day for a stomach virus. The boy didn't look right at the end of the game...I told Jean.."he's toast right now."

The house looks so pretty with the decorations all over the dining room and living room. Jean put them up yesterday...I finally got to admire them this AM as I walked five laps around the house...the hongest I've walked since I got home from the hospital.

The garden pond was overflowing into the garage yesterday...the waterfall pump froze up and it backed up into the filter which is in the garage. Good thing Sandy went out there to let the dogs out the garage door...she heard the water and was able to stop it before the pond drained completely. I told her to shut off both pumps and now the surface is frozen over. She has to get to the store to pick up the floating heater to keep a hole in the ice.

The weather is supposed to turn warmer...I hope so, I've been worried about all those folks who are building the new house for the Girard family, right down the road in Voluntown, for Extreme Home Makeover. There was an article in the paper today about how the folks in Voluntown already had plans to build a new house for them...before the chance for the tv show thing came through.

Everyone is pitching in and it is the "feel good" story of this area...in a time when so much is going bad, people losing jobs, people worried about losing jobs, this chance to help this family has inspired so many people. It's wonderful!

Well...today I focus ona walking and eating...two worthy goals. I came downstairs early and had a nice bowl of oatmeal. Dunno what I'll have for lunch...maybe chocolate chip cookies! I see them in a tin in the kitchen. Sandy and Jean did up a "menu" for me of food that is available in the house for me to eat....it has a wide variety of meats, soups, snacks, etc. Very nice...I just wish that I had more of an appetite...oh well, that will come.

I've been trying to do some exercises in bed...and thinking thoughts of "strength" and sending those thoughts to my legs and arms. I feel it working.

I have stopped taking the ibuprofen for the aches as Sandy says I'm getting to the point where my blood counts will be low....that's when you can have trouble with bleeding from aspirin like products. Fortunately, the achiness is subsiding at the same time, so it works out fine. Tomorrow I'll have to get in the car and go down for my first set of bloodwork. Every Wednesday from now until the forseeable future I'll be getting blood drawn. This is a good thing...it tells the doctors how I'm doing and helps them determine my treatment levels. I'm anxious to see the results of the CA125 test (cancer level test) that they do. It's like knowing your T cell count if you have AIDs...which I don't, thank GOD!

Enough of this crap....I'm going to take a nap...then have lunch. And walk, of course!

Later.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Bad night last night. The ache continued, but started dying down to a very managable level. I told Sandy it's not that it hurts so much, it's that it hurts, you're tired and worn down and the bowels still aren't working properly.

The bowels are what made for the bad night. Suffice it to say when dawn broke I was more convinced than ever that we need to be aggressive about my bowel regime. I do NOT want to go through that again!

I got up around nine and took a rare morning shower, then got dressed and downstairs into the recliner. Slept there for a few hours while Sandy hung the lights outside in the freezing cold. I vacillated between sweating and freezing so my nap was fitful.

Had a nice ham sandwich for lunch and then got myself back upstairs to bed for a couple of hours. Jean came as I was heading up...while I was sleeping she decorated the house with our Santa collection and other decorations. The two of them also put the tree up...and it all looks beautiful!

I came down to admire their handiwork. We went outside for the lighting ceremony...Sandy wrapped LED lites around the porch and the posts out there, put the "reindeer" up on the side lawn and wrapped lites around the trees out there. She hung the red ribbons on the fence...that coupled with the candles in every window looks very, very nice!

Oh, I weighed myself tonight...Jean brought up a scale as we can't find ours since the move. I weighed 146...unbelievable! I had hoped to get down to 150...but I'm heading south of that! Don't blink....you might miss me!

Sunday, December 7, 2008

An achy kind of day. Weird pains in my hip that started last night, waking me up. I lay there thinking..."who's hip is hurting? My hip doesn't hurt like that!" But it was my hip and it continues off and on all day. Sandy says she thinks it could be marrow..and she may be right...it is a deeper kind of twinge.

Sandy dragged Christmas stuff out to put up....worked two hours and had little to show for it...the reindeer don't want to light up and the one that does, won't stand up in the yard! Can't find all our fake wreaths that we used to put on the gates, door and windows. Good thing Jeremy surprised us by putting a beautiful real wreath on our front gate and then driving away! It's now hanging on the front door.

The candles Sandy got for each window (which would look really nice) don't reach the damned outlets! So, she has to get extension cords for each one! Nothing is easy!

We're wondering if perhaps we left a lot of Christmas decorations at the old house when we moved...we never did that last walk-through in the basement and we know the movers missed a lot of stuff from down there--paint and some tools, etc.

Watching the Patriots play Seattle...who have won only two games this year. I do NOT recognize these Patriots anymore. And now Tedy Bruschi is hurt..what next? Doesn't look good for my favorite team!

I was hoping to make it to the Mortality Review meeting tomorrow...but I'm saying "uncle" for now. I have to rest. So, I just sent my comments via email and hope I can make the next meeting.

Oh...I had two (count 'em) two pieces of pizza for lunch today! Next up I'll try to make a dent in a hamburg, spinach and sweet potato for supper. Here's hoping my appetite holds!

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Weird thing. If I take a drink while I'm eating...I can't eat anything else. I have to remember to NOT drink! I got up last night and sat downstairs for a few hours. That wore me right out...took all my strength to drag my ass back upstairs..but after lying in bed for an hour or so and I'm rejuvenated.

Up and down many times in the hours between 1am and 5am...peeing my little heart out. GOOD!!! I keep drinking, forcing the fluids. Again, that's my job now.

Jean spent the night and was happy that the dogs didn't get up until 6 this AM and went right back to bed with me after they went out to pee! Even Truman snuggled up with me, not interested in staying downstairs, looking for breakfast!

Bubbles has been so faithful to me...she stays snuggled right up against my left leg...sometimes licking me, but mostly being a comfort to me. When I get back in bed, chilled from being up in the bathroom, I put my hand on her back and warm myself up. She is so sweet.

Got phone calls from Scott, Janet and Mike today. It was good to talk with them and I wish I could tell them to come over, but I get so tired. I think tomorrow Bob and Mike will come for a visit...haven't seen them in ages it seems. I'm hoping I'm up to a visit anyway. Maybe I can stay upstairs and they can come up to see me..then go back down to visit with Sandy...if I'm too tired that is. Who knows how I will feel tomorrow? Today I feel a lot stronger than yesterday.

I'm watching the Huskies play football against Pitt...and Pitt just scored, dammnit!
There's still time for UConn to come back though...

Things are pretty exciting in the neighborhood with Ty Pennington and Co. right down the road in Voluntown, for Extreme Home Makeover. They are building a new house for the family who's house burned down, then they went into foreclosure due to no fault of their own and then the father and son drowned. I can't think of anyone who deserves the makeover more than they do!

It's been very inspiring to hear about all the businesses and individuals who are volunteering and donating to make it happen. They have to build a house in two days! Unbelievable! I can't wait to see it on the tv and to see it in person too.

Well..I better close my eyes for awhile and take a little nap while I listen to the game...or else I'll be in trouble with Sandhead when she wakes up. She'll know what I've been up to!

Friday, December 5, 2008

Okay, so now we know that the second day after chemo is going to be one where I spend the day in bed, sleeping. Very woozy, tired and happy to just lie there and doze. Unfortunately, the butt gets tired after awhile.

Sandy got me up this afternoon and got me into the shower. It was so nice. Washed up good, changed into clean pjs and am back in bed with the laptop now.

I'm pushing the fluids, ate some sweet potato, yogurt and hope to have more for supper. My appetite seems to be coming back a bit...I'm going to take advantage of it when I can, because I don't recognize the body I see in the mirror. The weight is coming off fast and I don't know where it will stop. Maybe I'll finally hit that goal weight I had in my mind when I had the gastric bypass surgery!

Jean will be coming tonight, bringing supper. I noticed that I am a bit sensitive to the smells of cooking, but haven't had any nausea. Let's hope it stays that way!

Jean will be staying the night with me...which is a good thing, not because I'm afraid of being alone (as I was feeling before) but because I am a bit woozy and not capable yet of letting the dogs in and out in the middle of the night, if they need to go.

I'm interested to see what tomorrow brings...how I will feel. Pam says that her Mom learned that you can pretty much map out each day...how you are going to feel, after chemo. So, I'm paying attention. I know that the second day out I shouldn't schedule myself to do anything but sleep!

Hopefully tomorrow I'll have more pep. I know that about 10 days out I hit "nadir" when the drugs are at the apex...and that will probably make me very tired for awhile.

It's all going to be a balancing game for awhile. I'm sure we can handle it.

Huskies had a scare last night, but I was too exhausted to watch...I barely made it up the stairs to bed. I collapsed in the bed and rejuvenated myself just by lying quietly for about an hour or so while Sandy read her book.

The key to success: sleep sleep sleep and drink drink drink

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Home Sweet Home!

Got home around 6pm last night, Carol rushed over a bowl of hot, homemade turkey soup, just in time, before I got sick from hunger.

Watched the first half of the Husky Holy Cross game (or should I say "debacle?") and went up to bed to watch the second half. I shut out the light at 9:30 and went to sleep.

I woke up around 2:00 to find Bubbles sleeping on top of the covers, on my stomach! She has never done that before! I started laughing and then had to disturb her because she was putting so much pressure on my bladder I had to pee!

When I got back to bed the trouble started. I couldn't get comfortable. I tried lying on each side, no soap. I finally got settled on the pillows on my back and slowly drifted off to sleep.

I got up again around 6:00 and my abdomen felt smaller...so I lifted my shirt and looked at my belly in the mirror. Sure enough! My stomach is looking like a wrinkled balloon! This means that the fluid is coming off my abdomen, just like they have been telling me! The chemo is doing it...and it's happening faster than either I or Sandy expected! This is good news as the fluid that ended up in my lungs came from the fluid in my belly...so if the belly fluid is going away...I don't have to worry about it ending up in the lungs again!

I'm taking my anti nausea drugs religiously. I DON'T want to puke...trust me!

I ended up staying in bed until almost noon...Sandy brought me my protein drink and I had that in bed. I caught up on the news on CNN..which is a habit I got into while in the hospital. Then I watched some other stuff and finally got my ass out of bed, because Lynne was due to arrive.

Lynne showed up at noon, bearing won ton soup...which was yummy! She stayed with me while Sandy and the Russells ran lots of errands. Lynne was good with me, she'd make me shut up and shut my eyes and take a break...which is good, because I get run down easily.

I'm flushing the fluids through me as ordered. I have to push at least 60 oz of fluids, which I used to do regularly before I got ill..but I've had a hard time keeping hydrated by mouth sick I've been sick. But today, for some reason..it's been easier..plus I know it's my job now to be properly hydrated.

I feel so good about what's happening..I have my doctor to thank, my favorite RN, Miss Marcia, for pushing the drugs through me for the first time (a good omen to me) and all of you for all your good thoughts, well-wishes and yes, prayers....I really feel the blessings you are sending my way.

I envision the drugs as little gladiators with shiny helmets and long spears...I sent them out to track down the cancer cells and attack the ones that are acting up. There was a skirmish I definitely felt in my right lower quadrant...where the bad ovary used to be. The rest of the gladiators subdued the other bad cells and have now coated them with a sticky substance (in my mind) to keep them from growing/spreading. They are now standing guard, waiting for the next treatment when we will do some more attacking and some removal of dead cancer cells.

I plan to pee the bad cells out and right into my septic system, where they belong!

Thanks everyone for all the cards, emails, notes, gifts and thought waves...I am so lucky to have you all as friends.

Now I'm going to enjoy other people's problems on Nanny 911.

Nighty night!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

First Day of Chemo...and all's well!

Well, I'm lying here like the queen....all showered up, clean undies and just waiting on my last bag of chemo. That should take about another half hour and then we should be GOOD TO GO!

I'll be home for dinner, hopefully. I don't know how tired I'll be today so I making this entry now, in case I don't feel like going on line tonight.

Oh...and the Huskies are playing Holy Cross tonight on CPTV...so trust me, I won't be going on line tonight to post in any damned blog!

Take care all...thanks for all the good thoughts, they helped me FLY through the what they say is the worst day of chemo...the first day.

Now I will take my anti-nausea drugs faithfully. I may have some aches and pains in my long bones in a couple of days, like the flu and I will be tired. Hopefully, that will be it.

So I go back to see Dr. Lachance on the 17th and my next chemo is scheduled for the day after Christmas...they moved it from the day BEFORE Christmas which would have been a bummer.

Smooth sailing from now on...that's how I feel and that's what I believe is going to happen!

Take care folks, thank again! I really, really appreciate all you have been doing on my behalf.

GO HUSKIES!!!!!!! Go "Little Caballito!!!" Congrats on the six year contract...you DIRT DOG!!!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Life goes on

Back to the mundane...had to go online today to transfer my $$ and pay my bills. I had $98 left over last month! Shows you how it pays to get ovarian cancer...you don't spend as much on gas as you did the month before! Most of the "extra expenses" last month was paying my $15 copay for all those medical appointments!

Slept from 8:10 last night until about 2..got up and used the toidy and then it was back to sleep until the docs came in for rounds at 6:30! Best sleep I've had in a long time. I mean I would wake and doze..but mostly I slept.

Felt rather ill in the morning after breakfast. I keep getting this slight feeling of nausea, but it passes. Dr. Lachance came to see me twice...so it was a good day.

I caught up on my email this AM, had lunch, which made me feel ill again, met with the dietician, who is going to have them bring me snacks throughout the day to help with my appetite. I told her that when I take the cover off the food plate I groan as the sheer size of the portions are huge! Overwhelming. Sickening.

After lunch I shut off my phone and slept until 4:30...people would come in my room and I would just lie there and they'd leave. So it was a pretty good sleep.

Tomorrow chemo will start. They weighed me tonight so they can figure out the dosage I get. My weight is back down to 166! One pound more than it was in October, before all this started. That is good news, but also a concern. My abdomen is still distended with fluid...so that means that I lost weight in other parts of my body. Maybe when all is said and done I'll be back down to 160 where I was after my bowel obstruction. I liked being that weight.

Dr. Lachance talked to me about my feelings about what's going on...I still haven't had time to take it all in and maybe that is a good thing and maybe it's not. I know I have a very serious illness, I know that the statistics for survival are not exactly the type of odds that one would like to have going for them. But everything has happened so fast, I haven't had much time to think. I'm going on instinct right now and on the counsel from Sandy....which has been a lifeline for me.

The schedule for chemo puts me in a good place to be able to go to the UConn UHART game (thanks to tickets from Marie and Don) and to go to Camp Husky in January...neither event will occur too close to my chemo session.

I don't know how I'm going to react to the chemo...but they say that most people feel fine the first few days after the treatment and then feel very fatigued for a few days after that. They also say that the first chemo treatment is the strongest one, which can make people more sick than subsequent other treatments. It's also the one where they have to tinker to figure out what rate they can pump the chemo in...what I will be able to take.

So, good thoughts tomorrow folks! I'm looking forward to getting this one behind me and getting to the place that Dr. Lachance spoke to me about...when I will have more energy, feel a lot better and can get back to work and into the gym.

Oh...big news! Sandy booked our anniversary cruise! We were going to go to Disney again for our anniversary, but Charmine and Pat are going on an Olivia cruise to Belize next October and we wanted to go. So, today Sandy booked our room...we have a VERANDAH room! That means we can sit out on our verandah, watching the sun go down. I can't wait to go ziplining through the rainforest in Belize! Of course the thought of it now makes me slightly ill...but I'll be raring to go by then!

Nighty night

Monday, December 1, 2008

Busy Day

I was scheduled for a CT scan this AM, so couldn't eat or drink after midnight. In the AM my doctor Lachance came in to see me and I asked him about having a port installed for the chemo.

So they set me up to have the port put in and then have the CT scan. I went to the hospital next door...through the maze of tunnels in the subterranean area of the hospital...an interesting ride. The doctors (or techs) I'm not sure which, installed a power port...it will sit right below the skin in my upper right chest. This is where they will access my veins for chemo and they can also use it for other tests, which reduces the number of "sticks" I'll have to have.

Then it was back to my room, transfer back to my bed, and start drinking the barium crap you have to consume before the CT scan. Sandy arrived and encouraged me through the second bottle of that vile stuff. Then I had to transfer from my bed to the gurney, to go to CT. Once there it was transfer from the gurney to the CT table...notice a trend here? I had a workout!

When it was time to transfer back to the gurney to go back to my room...I foolishly grabbed the rail with my right hand and pulled myself onto the gurney, mostly be using my strength in my right arm...totally fogetting that I had just had a port installed in that area! OUCH!!

Back to the room, transfer back to bed and I basically collapsed there as we waited for the nurse to come from Dr. Lachance's office to go over the paperwork for the chemo program. He and she arrived at 4pm and she went over the information with us. I was glad Sandy was there, she knew what questions to ask and I just laid there and listened, with my eyes closed. Then it was time to sign on the bottom line and the deed is done!

Dr. Lachance was kidding me about my blog and told Wendy, the nurse, to watch out or I would write her up! SHOUT OUT TO WENDY! She was wonderful...just like her boss Dr. Lachance...the whole group is fantastic from what I can see! So there!

After that my supper came...I had not had anything to eat since supper last night and nothing to drink since one last sip of gingerale at 11:30. I went in to use the pottie and felt nauseous. Sandy went and got me some gingerale and some saltines...that helped settle my stomach. I had to have that before I could eat anything on the tray. I did manage to have a few slices of chicken, mashed potato, sweet potato and gravy. Had a little apple crisp and a carton of milk. It wasn't everything...but it was a good amount, for me.

Dr. Lachance says that as the fluid comes off my lungs and abdomen I will feel more like eating. He's right I bet...right now I eat a bit and fill up fast. Feel like I have no room for anything else.

My feet, ankles and legs are almost totally back to normal. My abdomen has decreased since my first admission, but it is still pretty bloated.

The big thing with me right now is going to be working on overcoming my fear of being alone at night at home. Dr. Lachance says I will probably go home on Wednesday and Sandy will be there. I know Jean will come and stay sometimes when Sandy is working...but I really have to get passed this fear. I think I was so traumatized the last two nights at home (and oddly enough, the worst night I wasn't even alone...Sandy was there)....that I can't seem to get that sick feeling out of my mind when I think about going home.

I don't want to be afraid of my own house...but that's how I feel now. I'm sure this will pass. I hope so anyway...I can't stand being a wuss.

So, that's the big report for today...suffice it to say I was very busy today...and am just pooped now. I stayed up late last night, couldn't calm down after that Huskies win over Oklahoma...I was so excited! WHAT A GAME!! They are going to go all the way....barring injury. They are still a bit thin on the bench, but with Heather Buck returning to the team and Kaili playing like she did last night....

Nighty night!

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Long Day's Journey Into Night

Okay, let me start off by saying I'm doing just fine now. I am back in the hospital, at Women's and Infants and I am "resting comfortably." Sorry for not blogging but I have been a bit distracted the past few days. For those who want the gory details...read on. For those of you who don't need all the news that's fit to print...you can stop here and rest assured that all's well that ends well.

First, let me start out by saying that when one lives with a nurse, one learns to wait until the absolute last second before one says "honey, I need you to take me to the ER." This is because we know how much nurses hate the ER, sitting and waiting in the ER, being around the ER. However, I should have learned my lesson the last time when I had the bowel obstruction...I wait too damned long.

Thanksgiving was a decent day. Had a touching call from my brother Steve and the rest of the day was pretty quiet until Jean and Frank showed up with the turkey dinner. I was very tired, but managed to get up and eat a decent meal of turkey, dressing, DELIOUS mashed potatoes (the secret is using sour cream), sweet potato and corn. I even had a thin slice of pumpkin pie and a cup of coffee for dessert.

Thanksgiving Night Sandy had to work. I sat up in bed until about midnight, watching Baba Wawa's interview with Obama...very nice. Then I developed the shortness of breath again...it had been happening just about every night, but this time it hit hard...took a long time to subside. I had to prop up the pillows and sleep sitting up most of the night. In the morning I was able to lie fairly flat on my left side, which was a surprise.

Friday I was very tired, dozed in the recliner most of the day. I would get up to go to the bathroom and to do a few laps through the house downstairs, but it would make me very fatigued and I didn't feel well at all. I couldn't drink, eat and I knew I had to do better as I just felt very weak.

Friday night Sandy was home, for which I was very grateful. I was frankly afraid to be home alone. I had this thought, "Oh Christ! What the hell would happen if I had to call 911?" We've got the ADT alarm system turned on when we go to bed...I've got these killer dogs I'd have to lock up somewhere before the ambulance got here...what a freakin' nightmare!" So, I was happy she was home with me.

She slept blissfully through my night of gasping to breathe, panic setting in from time to time, wondering what the hell is going on with me. My back hurt something wicked at the base of my lungs. My right side was very painful and the hernia repair area was bulging out hideously and very very sore. I thought I was falling apart. Again, I had to sleep sitting up.

Saturday AM I realized I was in real trouble. I continued to pant essentially, trying to catch my breath. I was only comfortable bending over at the waist, with my head on the splint pillow that Linda made for me...my new little security item.

I told Sandy that I needed her to take me down. We discussed calling an ambulance, but I nixed it as I thought the dogs would get too upset and then we would be leaving them...too traumatic. So, I got into the Highlander and off we went. Miserable ride.

Backus took me right in, rushed a chest x ray and another CT scan (third one this month) of my chest. Both showed that I was in deep doo-doo. My left lung was completely whited out...filled with fluid. The oxygen they put me on helped me to get more comfortable as they worked to figure out what to do with me. They called Providence and Dr. Stuckey told them to ship me up here. So that's what they did.

The ambulance's GPS system told them that the fastest route to the hospital was up ROUTE 6!!! Can you believe that crap? Route 6, the most jarring ride you can have. I would have gone up Rte 138 to Rte 3 in RI, a little jog onto 95 and then a straight shot up to the hospital. NO NO NO NOT ROUTE 6!!! OUCH!

Of course when we got here, they couldn't figure out how to get in...just the same problem Sandy and I had when we first came up. I told them how to get into the little parking lot by admitting, but they said it was fenced off. I couldn't see, so I couldn't tell them any different. So...they rode around and around and then finally I got them to really look for the entrance to that parking lot. BINGO! We're in!

I came up to my "old home" 4E....and not only that...to the same room I was in before, thanks to my pal, Marcia who had called in to find out what was going on and told them to put me in 4119, my "lucky room." Good old Marcia!

Sandy and Jean came up to be with me for awhile. I sent them off at 7:00 as Sandy had to work last night and I didn't want her getting exhausted. I'm such a frigging martyr! LOL!

They told me that they were going to tap my lung and sent me for x rays...there is no way I could sit up in the wheelchair, nor stand in front of the x ray machine...so I had to transfer to a gurney for the trip downstairs. The tech took good care of me and we got the job done with the least amount of pain and discomfort. Then I had to wait for the blood work to come back to check my coagulation...that finally came back fine and we were good to go.

Dr. Stuckey came in and prepped my back...this is what they do: I wish I could have watched it but it was all done from behind me. Anyway, she felt around and around my ribs to mark the spot...marked it, washed it, numbed it up and then stuck a long needle in between my ribs that had a tube on it to drain the fluid off. They filled up a liter and a half (the most they can take off at one time) and even though it made me start coughing, I felt INSTANT relief! What a difference!

Then they sent me back down for another x ray to see what my lung looked like after the draining. That trip to x ray was a LOT more pleasant than the first one! The x rays showed that there was a significant difference, which I could have told them.

By then it was 9 pm and I was pooped. They gave me a dilaudid and left me alone with my dreams. I slept until 2am...the most hours of sleep I've been able to put together for a long time...even before my surgery! I got up, peed like a race horse and even pooped a bit. WOW!! All this good news in ONE NIGHT!

I got some more pain stuff and slept from 3:30 to 6:30...I don't know how to act!

This morning I'm singing "What a Difference A Day Makes"...ate some breakfast, scrambled eggs, bacon and toast. Had a cup o' joe, glass of OJ and drank a carton of milk....ordered my meals for the next two days.

Later in the morning they returned with their needle and tube and drew off another liter of fluid.

OHMYGOD!!! I'm watching the Patriots as I type this and they just intercepted and then scored! 7-0 all ready!!! WOOOO HOOOOOO!!!

Back to the gore. Actually it isn't THAT gory, now is it? I would think the previous discussions of my bowel habits were gorier than this.

Oh, the fluid they drew off was tinged with blood...that's the gory part.

Take a look at a two liter soda bottle sometime. Then add a half a liter to that. That's what they took out of ONE of my lungs!!! Unbelieveable!

Unfortunately, this is going to keep happening until I start chemo...so you can just imagine how motivated I am to start that stuff!

Dr. Silvestre came in to see me. Dr. Lachance is his partner. I really like this guy too. He sat on the bed and chatted with me...giving me all the time in the world. He told me his Mom is a big Husky fan and he clued me in to the fact that the game against Oklahoma is on ESPN tonight so I will be able to watch it! YAY!

He explained to me more about the clinical trial and after hearing what he had to say I've decided that's the way I'm going to go. It gives me the best shot at success and that's the bottom line isn't it? He is on the National Cancer Institute Board and is very involved with how clinical trials are done and which ones are done. He is very knowledgeable and feels that Dr. Lachance's surgery has given me the best shot that I will get surgically. Dr. Lachance had him come in during the surgery to get his opinion about what he should do (leave the uterus and left ovary) and he (Dr. Silvestre) concurred with Dr. Lachances' choice of where he should focus his efforts in surgery.

I felt very comfortable with this decision, based on the info he provided.

Tomorrow they will do another CT scan (fourth one in a month) to determine the baseline...where we are at in the pelvic/abdominal area.

He's going to discuss it with Dr. Lachance tomorrow, but I got the impression that I will be starting chemo soon...very soon. Maybe even tomorrow, if I'm lucky!

So, send the lucky vibes my way when you get a chance.

It's been an eventful few days. Sorry I didn't post in the blog...I know that it has created some anxiety...not knowing. Please don't inundate Sandy with calls...she needs her rest.

Oh, Sandy...she has been researching all of this stuff on the internet and by talking to folks at the hospital who are in the know. I haven't gone on line and read anything...part because I'm too tired, but to be honest, I'm kind of afraid of reading stuff. I don't want to get depressed at reading stats, etc. So, I've been relying on her to dole out information to me as she thinks I can handle it...or if I've come to the point when it will help me make an informed decision. She has been wonderful in doing this. This makes up for her not insisting that I go to the ER sooner!

So, I can't promise that I will post everyday and I don't want people to panic if I DON'T post a day or so...but the fact of the matter is, sometimes I'm going to have little setbacks, this is just one of those times. Other times I may not post because I'm too busy partying! LOL!

I'm partying now, in my own way...lying here in this hospital bed, laptop on my laptop (oddly enough) and peaceful. My lungs are fine for the time being, I'm not hurting anywhere except for my butt, which only means I need to shift positions.

Life is good.

Shout out to Plaxico Burress...is there a bigger fool in the NFL???

Nighty night!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Okay...here's the "skinny" as I know it

An old friend pointed out to me that I haven't been too clear in this blog about what physically is going on with me (the graphic accounts of my toilet habits notwithstanding)...she asked questions that I realize I have brushed on, but haven't spelled out.

They operated on me and removed my right ovary, which had a four centimeter growth on it that came back positive...it is ovarian cancer. They also repaired my hernia, for which I am very grateful...and they had to peel my uterus off a section of my bowel..to which it was stuck. They opted to leave my uterus and my left ovary because they didn't look bad and because they didn't want to prolong my time under anaesthesia. They had to hack through a bit of scar tissue (from my previous gastric by-pass) and that slowed them down.

They also removed as much of my omentum (the lining of your abdomen) as they could as it was dotted with spots of cancer. Apparently there are still a whole bunch of spots of cancer, dotted all over different organs/bowels, etc. and that is what they plan to get rid of through the chemo treatments.

When I refer to "the tumor" still producing fluid in my abdomen, it's not a single tumor...it's a network of them apparently.

So...they will send me for chemo...eight rounds of it...one round every three weeks, each round will last eight hours.

I still have to make the decision as to whether or not I get into the trial of the new treatment...or stick to the existing protocal of two drugs. Even if I get accepted in the trial, I may not get the third medication...I could end up in the group of people in the study who don't get the drug. It's all kind of confusing and I almost wish they hadn't even brought it up to us! Sandy and I are going to sit down and do a list of the Pros and Cons to both sides and see what we come up with.

A big factor to vote NO on getting into the trial is the fact that I would not have the option of having further surgery if I go that route. Dr. Lachance said that what he could do is check my cancer level (CA125 test) is after a few rounds of chemo. If it is coming down, they cuold operate again, removing the other ovary and uterus and also cleaning up what they could of the little tumors sprinkled around inside. I like having that option, even though I don't look forward to another stay in the hospital and another big surgery.

Oh...and on a different note. We got a notice yesterday from the state that we have to get married! Sandy and I registered as "Domestic Partners" years ago...in that way Sandy was eligible to have my insurance coverage and be able to get my pension should I die. That was a big relief to us...knowing that she would be taken care of with my retirement money.

Now, with the new marriage law in the state, we have one year to marry...because after that the domestic partnership benefits will end!

Can you imagine that? First we can't marry, now we better hurry up and get married!

Sandy was trying to avoid another ceremony...we've had two "non legal" ceremonies in Washington DC at different marches held in the 80's and last Columbus Day we had a very private civil union ceremony, done by our old neighbor Brige, who is a Justice of the Peace. We had hoped that would be the end of it. But no...now we HAVE TO GET MARRIED!

Sandy has already found a woman locally who advertises that she does civil unions...so I guess when I'm feeling better, we'll go see her and get the job done. I'm not planning on dying...but it will give me peace of mind should, God forbid, I get hit by an 18 wheeler as I drive to work!

So, I said I wouldn't post again...and look at me...here I am, back again!

Oh, and I figured out the reason for the yucky feeling is more associated with pain and the fact I'm trying to get off the dilaudid that they gave me. I'm trying to switch to tylenol...and it's taking a little bit to work through the pain. It hits me and makes my system crunch down....makes me doze and feel yucky. So I will work on staying on top of it...it is diminishing daily so I should be able to do this with the least amount of muss and fuss.

I hope that I have explained things so people can understand what's going on...sorry I hadn't spelled it out before. I wrote a lot while I was in the hospital and I was kind of confused at the time.


Nighty night!