Wednesday, May 16, 2012


Today I had a therapy appointment and in retrospect I have to admit I have come a long way since I started therapy last fall.   That book on Ovarian Cancer has really helped me identify and deal with, some issues. 

Last week I talked with a friend about my feeling that I have to "cut some people loose"...distance myself from relationships that are energy-sucking, or unhealthy, or just no long feel good.  I was a little reticent to discuss my feelings with her, but to my relief, she understood completely what I was talking about, which has given me more encouragement to make what are some difficult decisions.

The decisions are difficult in that I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.  I'm not going to make any pronouncements to these people that I don't want to continue as a "friend"...I'm just going to fade away from the relationships.   Other than the desire to not hurt anyone, the decisions are easy.  I know the relationships I want to ease out of...and deciding to do so definitely feels good and right to me. 

So now, with that stuff behind me, I can move on.  

I am still reading the book, albeit, very slowly.  I haven't read anything since last week.  What I read last week brought back a lot of bad memories.  

What is very interesting to me is that the author of the book was diagnosed at almost exactly the same time that I was.  We went through surgery, and subsequent recuperation around the same time.  We started chemo around the same time.  We were in the same clinical trial for Avastin.  Very eery.

Anyway, I read the chapter about her surgery and the aftermath of said surgery, and it really hit close to home.   We probably were sitting on the toilet, late at night at the same time.  I wish I had known, I would have called her and we could have chatted, comparing notes, to pass the time. 

Post surgery is a very dark place and I hope I don't have to go through that again.  I know I'd make it through, but it's not very pleasant, not at all.  The woman who wrote the book certainly documented most of the side effects and the unpleasantness.  She was very thorough. 

Tomorrow I have chemo and they will draw the CA 125 again to recheck those bad results we got last time.  Jean is coming with me to chemo and afterwards we are going to Trader Joe's.  She has never been there before and I have to buy a bunch of stuff for the weekend.  I love Trader Joe's.   Then we will go get lunch somewhere...probably the "Middle of Nowhere Diner" as I know she has that place in her mind.  When she used to take me to chemo we used to stop there sometimes on the way home.  It's our "special place."

Friday I have another Reflexology appointment with Christine in Rhode Island.  Then, when Sandy comes home, we are off in the RV, to the Hebron Fairgrounds for the New England Jack Russell Terrier Association Trial.   The dogs will be doing lure coursing, "going to ground", find the rat in the barn and other fun games.   Gina is coming down from Maine with her Russells so we will be catching up with her.  Fun!  

I went to Ross Hill RV park and made reservations for us to stay there the last week of June and first week of July, while the men are here working on the bathroom renovations.   I tried to pick a semi-remote site, with an open field on one side and the maintenance barn area on the back side.  The more removed the dogs are from other RVs, the better. 

They did do well at Acadia when we had other RVs all around us...but I just as soon not push it with them.   They are Jack Russells after all.

Sandy has been watching Howard Stern on AGT with me and we have both enjoyed the shows.  I tried to watch a few years ago, when Piers Morgan was a judge.  I didn't last more than a few minutes.  I really like it now.  I am a huge Howard fan but I think the combo of Howard, Sharon Osbourne and Howie Mandel is perfect.  They are all funny and recognize talent when they see it.

The Sox are coming back and I am relieved.  I do have that tattoo on my ankle and I'd hate to have to have it lasered off because I was so ashamed of my team.   They have a long road trip coming up and I'm hoping they continue to do well.

My nephew Andrew graduated from Eastern last night with a BA in education.  He's hoping he gets into grad school now and I'm hoping he does too.  There are no jobs out there.  Might as well stay in school.  My niece Virginia graduates from grad school soon.  She had a job interview for a teaching position and we are keeping our fingers crossed for her!  Both of them are such good kids, I love them.

Okay, time to make my dinner.  I'm having leftover chicken picata that I made the other night, using my new Eating Well with Cancer cookbook.  I love their recipes!