Monday, October 4, 2010

Lily left us Sunday morning in the wee hours. Not the way we always thought she would, hit by car on a dark, rainy, she did it the right way....asleep in her bed.

We came home from a great afternoon at Deanna's birthday party. We got home a bit late..8pm and Sandy and I had already discussed that she would feed Lily the wet food, not kibble...since she would probably have been in a tizz about us being gone. She took the dogs out to potty and then had Lil walk around and calm down before she fed her. She didn't let her drink alot of water and then she fed her.

The thing is...Lily still got bloated. Her tummy puffed up and was hard. She had dry heaves...something new. She huffed and puffed. She lay on the floor. Sandy walked her around in the yard and then she came back in, more dry heaves, more huffing and puffing and then she relaxed, laid down on the floor and fell asleep.

Sandy told me that she didn't think Lil looked good. Her gums weren't white, so she wasn't bleeding internally; she had bowel sounds, so it didn't seem like she had bloat in the bad sense--we doubted her stomach had flipped, she wasn't in obvious pain and if she had a torsion she would be in wicked bad pain.

Sandy made the statement, "I wouldn't be surprised if Lily didn't make it through the night." I panicked...and wanted to take her to Ocean State. Sandy asked why? What will we do? If they want to operate are we going to put her through that? I had to answer "no." Then I realized that we had already had this discussion some time ago. And we had decided that we would not take her to the vets unnecessarily--she hated the made her so anxious. We wouldn't subject her to surgery for the same reason and because she was so old.

Sandy carried her up to bed--how the hell she did it I don't know and neither does she. We all went to bed a bit after 11...Lil was laying on her bed, no dry heaves, no huffing and puffing.

I went over and hugged her, kissed her on the head and told her that everything was okay...she could let go.

A couple of hours later Lily got up and was walking around by my side of the bed. Sandy got up and took her downstairs. I noted that her hind leg on the right was sliding out from under her. Sandy said that Lil didn't poop or pee outside, she walked around and tried to get under the bushes. Sandy told her, "oh no you don't, you are not going to die under a bush, you will die in your own bed."

Sandy carried her back up the stairs. A while later we heard her making another dry heave sound, only it was weirder. We turned on the lights and sat up and looked at her. She sat up too and looked at us. We told her she was all right and urged her to sleep. She laid back down.

In the morning Sandy woke up, looked over and said, "Lily passed away last night."

Yes she did.

We had the Russells come and see for themselves. They needed to know. Truman sniffed her body and walked away, then came back...a couple of times. He had known her the longest...she was his Mommy for a long time. Then Bubbles sniffed Lil's head and her ears dropped, her tail wagged nervously and she immediately went over to Truman and kissed his ear. Rocky took his time sniffing her body from head to tail and then he blissfully cantered off and got a toy.

We kissed her, wrapped her up. Sandy carried her downstairs and then couldn't lift her without help, so I took ahold and helped get her into the back of Sandy's car.

I had called the Emergency Vet to see if they could help us with the cremation arrangements. They were happy to do so.

We have almost all of our deceased pets cremains. The only ones we don't have is Angel who ran off to the woods when she knew she was dying and we never found her body and Jasmine who ran off in Massachusettes (probably because her cancer was back) and we never found her. Otherwise we have them all in jars or cans....waiting to be joined with our ashes when we die. Then we all go on the compost heap somewhere, so we can help grow flowers or some vegetable garden.

We will miss Lily but I would be lying if I said that we aren't relieved. Relieved that she went peacefully as she did. Relieved that we were able to keep her safe and secure, despite all her anxieties. Relieved that we no longer have to constantly work around her needs whenever we wanted/needed to leave the house.

Lily had a great time last week. She went to the agility trial in Wrentham and had fun...she was so relaxed..the most we've ever seen her relax at a trial. She and I went for short walks a few times at the trial. She came with me to see Bob and Wini on Tuesday, with me to Colchester Toyota on Wednesday, to Jean's on Friday to see Taylor and Ryan and Nami. In between we had fun on the deck, relaxing. Walking around the yard, visiting with Taylor and Lynne who came over on Wednesday. A great week.

I was beside myself trying to figure out what I was going to do with her this week. I had a MD appointment in New Britain today, my physical exam and then work in Farmington tomorrow; car appointment on Wednesday; work again on Thursday.

We won't have to worry about that stuff any more. It just makes me so angry thinking about the damage that was done by whoever her first family was...the ones who let her go from their lives. She was never right after being in the pound...she was always so anxious about being left. People need to think about how harmful it can be to their pet when they give them up. People are so selfish.

When I came downstairs this morning, I expected to see her on her bed at the foot of the stairs. When I came home today I expected to hear her tail thumping in the kennel when I came through the door.

It's going to take time....I have twelve years of Lily habit built into my routine.

She was so in love with me which is strange because Sandy was the one who took her from the pound. Sandy was the one who was so patient with her while I was the one who would get irritated and frustrated with her. But Lily worshipped me. I didn't deserve her adoration. I am going to work harder to be more patient with the others now...that's how I'm going to honor Lil.

Hug your doggies and kitties...give them lots of love.

Nighty night.