Don't know why, but I could not sleep last night. Stayed up until 3am, listening to the police band on my iPhone, eavesdropping on all the crime in Eastern CT.

I slept until 1pm this afternoon. Got up and had my breakfast on the deck, lounging in the sun...like I've wanted to do for what seems like ages! It was great, reading the paper out there, getting a little tan on my bald head!

Speaking of my head, Sandy told me yesterday that the back of my head has black fuzz on it. The top of my head and the sides (that I can see) is white fuzz. So, my hair looks like Bob Miller's hair. He is white on top and black on the sides and back. I held up a mirror and checked out the back last night in the big mirror. Sandy is absolutely right. I have black hair!b

I always did have black hair in the back, but you couldn't see it because it was underneath the blond. I hope the blond comes back to cover it this time too. I don't want to look like the Jack Russells!

I don't know if I've mentioned it here...I believe I have, but I have this "thing" that happens to me over the past few years. I will think about someone (usually in the middle of the night) someone who I haven't thought of in a long time. A few days later I find out that they have died...usually within hours before I had thought of them.

Well, Wednesday night, when I had to come downstairs in the middle of the night because I couldn't sleep, I dozed off for a little bit in the recliner. When I woke up, I suddenly thought of Norma Dallaire. This really scared me as I haven't thought of her for awhile. I had seen her house listed in the real estate magazine for sale last year and didn't know if she had sold the house and moved.

I told Sandy about it...so she would be my witness that I had had this thought about Norma.

Today I'm reading the obituaries and I grazed over this one woman's obit. Something told me to go back and read it....so I did. I noticed the name of her first husband, Joe Dallaire....she was Norma's mother-in-law!!! And guess when she died? Wednesday....hours before I thought of Norma! I am SO RELIEVED...but totally mystified as to why this happens with me. It has happened a few times already and I don't know what it's all about.

I had another (less important) thought the other day. I was trying to remember when was the last time we bought potatoes. It was last summer, when I bought them for Roxie to make potato salad for our Open House. And I can't remember the time before then that we bought them.

And yet, we never lack for potatoes. We have mashed potatoes, cheesy potatoes, stuffed potatoes, french fries, etc.

Why? Because we are related to Jean Brouwer, that's why.

She keeps us in a constant supply of all sorts of potatoes. And are they good! I love her twice baked potatoes, her mashed potatoes are devine (she puts sour cream in them) and her cheesy potatoes rival anything I've had at a restaurant.

I love potatoes.

I love Jean Brouwer.

Tomorrow, we go to Berlin to see Deanna and Lorraine. We're picking up Pat and Charmine and heading out there. Sandy hasn't seen their new house yet. I want her to see it, especially their shower, which I covet.

Deanna wrote an email last night, worried that Lorraine was coming down with a cold. If she has a cold I can't go. Can't afford germs...I'm in my "bad phase" this week. Today she said Lorraine seems to be doing fine...so we are a "Go" for tomorrow.

We're also watching the Huskies at 2pm tomorrow...they are playing on ESPNU. Fortunately we get that channel and so does Deanna and Lorraine.

Oh, and I heard from Birgitta. She and Mats will be happy to come to Stockholm with us. We will have FUN! YAY!!! Mats is going to go nuts putting up with us three women! Oh we are going to have fun.

Okay, another game coming up from the Big East tourney, I'm able to get it on SNYHD....I love our Direct TV!!! If I wanted to pay a little more for the special package, I could watch EVERY women's bball game that was on tv. Maybe when I'm old and infirm, I'll spring for that...spend my winters in front of the telly.

Not yet.

Nighty night!

Long night last night. I was up many times doing you-know-what. It's that time in my chemo cycle when I start getting the trots. I'm taking the medication BEFORE it gets too "trotty" so hopefully I won't need that tincture of opium stuff!

I was able to get up, take a shower, get dressed and drive to Norwich for my bloodwork. Actually, I had to turn around in Norwichtown and drive all the way back home as I had forgotten my bloodwork orders at home! And then, when I got to the lab, they tell me I didn't need to bring it. They could have done the blood draw based on my other orders! Oh well...all that sitting in the car rested me up for the rest of the activiities.

I went to Stop and Shop and got oranges to put out to attract the orioles and more finches (as if we need more finches!)....I got a half out into the yard when I got home.

I also went over to Doc's Barbecue that is right next to where the Phoenix cafe is...which used to b e Indian Leap Cafe. Anyway...I was hoping for pulled pork but they were all out of everything but chickens and pulled chicken. They said the fire dept had come down with a huge order and cleaned them out! I had a nice chat with the owner as he made my pulled chicken sandwich. I also got a side of cole slaw. I brought them home to eat them and liked them. However the barbecue was rather bland.

I don't know if it was my taste buds (most likely as my taste is still somewhat off), or the fault of the place. I will try it again...next time, pulled pork sandwich, or ribs...and I will go when my taste buds are at full-strength!

I like Doc...he is a former Navy guy and he told me "if anything is wrong, I would appreciate hearing about it, so I can make it I LOVE THAT ATTITUDE!!! I told him that was the way to do business.

I will be back there.

Carol asked what was the difference in me having my next chemo as an in-patient, instead of at the Oncology Center. Well, here is my understanding. They will push the med really slow---over a span of 9 hours for that one drug alone, plus three for the Taxol, plus an hour or more for the pre-meds I have to take. They can monitor me closely and if I have a reaction they have the equipment to monitor and to take care of the reaction. If my reaction worsens, I'm right in the hospital and have access to all their emergency response services.

I like it because I have a great chance of having a really competent nurse, maybe even Marcia, my favorite! I also won't freeze there, like I do at the Oncology Ctr. It is so freaking cold there! At least at the hospital, they have those blanket warmers and they aren't shy about using them!

I will also have my own room and there's lots of space for Sandy and me and both of our laptops, own television, etc. And good food for lunch and supper!

So, now it's time for me to climb the stairs....and off to bed!

Nighty Night!

So, things are just about the same here. I sleep a LOT....get up for a few hours, loll around, and then go back to sleep.

Tuesday I was able to go to Joanie's house to party with the girls. A small group this month, what with people off in Florida and others recuperating from surgeries (you can tell we are retirees)it turned out to be Joanie, Fran, Charmine and Pat, Lynne, Sandy and me. I brought the famous mussells and overindulged myself!

I stayed a bit too long though, and despite having taken an energy drink before the party, I crashed HARD on the way home. When I got in the house I had to sit for awhile, I had nothing left in the tank. I honestly didn't know how I would get upstairs to bed on my own., Fortunately, I got some strength and got up there....and crashed in bed.

The next day I slept until 1pm. Got up and ate breakfast, then crashed again for awhile before Carol came over for dinner. We had a wonderful meal...which Carol cooked...and then we watched a dvd she got on how to evaluate puppies for temperament, physical characteristics, etc. She had gone to a seminar that they woman who did the DVD ran. It was fascinating. We learned that if you are going to pick a puppy that you will have doing agility or any other type of work/play like that...you have to pick one that is in excellent physical condition. The "pick of the litter" so to speak.

After Carol left I crashed again. Then had a tough night sleeping. I ended up coming downstairs in the middle of the night and lying in the recliner. When I went
back upstairs I was able to fall asleep and ended up sleeping in until 11:30.

Jean came up this AM and she and Sandy worked all day in the cellar, cleaning stuff out. We're getting rid of a lot of books--the paperbacks will go to the soldiers in Afghanastan. We're also getting rid of (finally) ALL those damned VHS tapes that Sandy has been holding onto for years. She came up and asked ME if I wanted to get rid of them. I said, (very calmly) "sure, if you think we should." Then I went "YES" as she went back down the cellar stairs. I don't know why she wanted to hold onto them...I'm glad they are going.

So, I haven't ventured into the cellar to see what it looks like...but I'm sure I'll like the change. I'm NO HOARDER! We need to lighten our load so to speak.

Sandy found pictures down there that we can hang in the halls downstairs and upstairs and in the spare bedrooms. Nice.

Now I'm hoping that I can make it to the lab tomorrow to get my CBC done like they want, then to the new barbecue place Anne Masterson told us about in Norwich; and maybe even to the store to get cards for Mariah and Lera for their birthdays next week.

Wish me luck.

Oh, tonight Pam has the baby on "The Office," can't wait to see that episode. I'm wondering how Michael and Dwight are going to insinuate themselves into the action. In some gross way I'm sure!

Nighty night!

Another Day

What a difference this day brought.

I called up to the Chemo Center. I talked with my pal, Mary Artery....who called me RIGHT BACK! WOW!!! She talked with Dr. McCourt and they are going to admit me to the hospital to have my next chemo done. She said to "bring your jammies, you'll probably spend the night." Doesn't bother me! I asked to be on "my floor" Four East. She said, "will do."

Then I wrote to Marcia and told her I'd be there on the 19th. I hope she's working that day and will be my nurse.

My taste buds are still off. I feel bad, because I had the leftover pork dinner Jean
made and I couldn't really appreciate it. She worked so hard on it.

I'm knocked hard by this treatment and I'm spending more time in bed. Good thing I don't have to be anywhere special! I still hope to be able to get out to Joanie's house tomorrow night for our "retirees get-together." Sandy said she would drive me.

Here's hoping....

Nighty night...I'm going back to watch the UConn Notre Dame game...UConn has the game well in hand now. The only intrigue is will Tina break the scoring and rebound records in this game.

I'm going to watch and see.

A blah day....I felt blah and it was blah outside. I did get out for a little bit when I trudged around out back in the mud, feeding the birds.

Watched the Huskies lose and then went back to bed after the Canadians scored their second goal. I had been flipping back and forth between both games, and texting with Katie about the Huskies and life in general.

I slept for a bit, missed Carol, who came over bearing some pork roast for me. I'll have it later, when my taste buds are back.

I almost threw out a whole box of crackers that had been unopened until I broke into them today, I thought they were stale. Just as I was poised over the trash can to drop them in...I remembered that darned problem I have with my taste buds right after chemo. I decided to let Sandy try them to see how they are. Good move.

A couple of hours later I dragged myself out of bed, Bubbles sitting there whining at me to make me get up. Came downstairs and Sandy made me some Campbell's Chicken Noodle (I know...blah) but it did hit the spot. I have perked up a bit and will sit up for a while and watch the Olympic stuff and my Sunday night shows...Simpsons, Family Guy etc. Then off to bed again.

Tomorrow I have some phone calls to make...wish me luck with the nurses!

Nighty night!

The Day After

Sandy went off to an agility trial in Rhode Island today with Truman. The other three snuggled in the bed with me. I got up at 10:30, because Bubbles decided I should get up. I let them out to pee and got my protein shake and we all went back to bed. I sipped my shake, downed all my vitamins and supplements and then just laid there for about two hours, relaxing with the pups and reading the paper.

Jean showed up at noon...she's spending the night here to be with me while Sandy works. I thought that was overkill, but after I took my shower I felt so woozy and I was happy she was there. I sat in the recliner and she made me a cup of soup and a chicken salad sandwich! She spoils me I swear!

Last night when I made my blog entry for the day I was steaming mad. I calmed down a bit today and edited out the nurse's name. I shouldn't have put her name in there. And, maybe someday she'll read it and sue me, who knows? Anyway, I calmed down a bit and as they say, "cooler heads prevail."

That's me in a nutshell...I get "hot" and then I think about it and cool off.

We know what we have to do now and we will do it. Sandy and I know what we have to do. Again, I am SO LUCKY that I have her with me all the way.

Watched the Huskies play Georgetown and Tina Charles have a wonderful game to end her career in Connecticut. Tomorrow the guys play Louisville I believe. They need to win this one too. But we will be watching the Americans play the Canadians in hockey. The only hockey game we'll watch for the next ten years! I swear, I haven't watched hockey since the "Miracle on Ice Game" and you know how many years ago that was...I believe 30???

I have to call Maria to work out the trip to Sweden details. We have to figure out the dates and where and how. It's getting more real now. She's going to love it there. I know I do.

Well...back to the Olympics!

Nighty night

EXCITEMENT!!

I've been looking for some excitement...you know it does get boring when you are a
"shut-in" even with all my electronics, books, puppies, etc. to keep me entertained. So, I have to admit I've been yearning for something different, some excitement.

I got it today!

First when I went to see Dr. McCourt for my pre-chemo check, she told me that my blood count was low again. She sent me to the lab to have the blood work done again...that means two needle sticks in two days.

I didn't hear from them yesterday so I didn't know if I had passed and if I should go to chemo this AM. I called and left a message at 7am. We got up, dressed and headed to Providence. I called again when we were en route and talked to XXXX, who told me that my white count was good and they were planning on me getting chemo. ALL RIGHT!

When I got to the center, the receptionist told me "XXXX left a lab slip for you to have a CA125 test done" (June usually draws this from my port, sparing me the needle stick) "they FORGOT to mark it on your lab slip for yesterday." That was BOGUS! I was going to the lab yesterday to have my white cell count checked. I got pissed....but I took the slip and went downstairs and had the CA125 drawn.

Even the ladies in the lab said, "hey wait, weren't you just here yesterday?" I said yes. They said, "what did you have done, maybe we can use it to get this test done." I told them "CBC" and they were bummed, because they couldn't use it. They still checked the computer to make sure that's all that was drawn. They drew the test and told me "you should find out the different tests that they do, so YOU CAN CHECK TO MAKE SURE THAT THEY INCLUDE IT ON THE LAB SLIP!!!" See, MY RESPONSIBILITY! So I have three needle sticks in three days.

It's not that it hurts...it doesn't. It's the fact that my counts are low, I get stuck and I swell and bruise. It hurts the vein and creates more scar tissue. I have a lot of scar tissue all ready from all the times I donated platelets and blood over the years.

I am tired of this. I'm supposed to ride herd on everyone to make sure that they do everything they are supposed to do, the way they are supposed to do it!

So, I go back up and June takes us right into the back. I ask her, (NICELY) "XXXX, can't I get the CA125 test drawn through my port like before?" She gave me a funny look and said, "oh yes! Did you have it drawn downstairs?" LIKE SHE DIDN"T KNOW!!! Give me a friggin' break. I have had it with this bullshit! She makes mistakes and then covers it up.

I want my test drawn through my port....I have to save my veins. I'm insisting on it.

THEN....THEN! She says, "the protocol says that you are supposed to have your CBC drawn EVERY WEEK and it says that you were informed of this!" BULLSHIT! If I had been informed of this requirement, I would have been having it drawn every week and I would have a standing order for it at the Backus lab. I was never told! Maybe she was the one who was supposed to have told me? Maybe SHE screwed up....again?
Maybe I've gone through six weeks of the protocol missing an important test?

Sandy stayed while XXXX hooked me up to the IVs and started the benadryl. I insist on getting that first so I can be semi-lucid in time for lunch. Sandy left to take Lily for a walk and spend some time with her while I dozed off.

Things were going uneventfully. Sandy brought up my lunch and went back out with Lily. I got my Taxol (the really potent stuff) and then they started up the Carboplatinum...the one that has a high risk of allergic reactions. Sandy came up shortly after they started that one....and it's good that she was there.

A little while after they started the drug I needed to go to the toilet. I was getting warm too and took off my blanket (I freeze for a couple of hours there, it is SO DAMNED COLD!) and my fleece zippered jacket...and my hat. Then I started to get up as Sandy went around back to unplug the IV pump for me. I got real sick feeling as I stood up and things started going black and felt like vomiting at the same time. I thought, "this is a fine mess!" and I sat down and put my head down. Sandy noted that something was going on and reminded me to lay back in the recliner and get my feet up.

I did that and things felt a bit better. Then I got REALLY REALLY REALLY HOT!!!! I said, "I am so hot, I feel like taking all my clothes off!" Sandy told me I couldn't do that, but you know, I REALLY WANTED TO!
She got me a wet papertowel and put it behind my neck. Then my hands started itching. I mean REALLY itching. I was scratching them so hard. Then the itching started spreading to my wrists and forearms. Sandy got up and told XXXX.

XXXX said "itchy palms is the tell-tale sign" and I knew I was having an allergic reaction. My face was RED, my head was breaking out in hives, my abdomen was bright red...but what was funny was my suture line was Blazing White and all my stitches too...you could count each stitch!

XXXX hollered for the kit and everyone came running. I heard someone hollering for a doctor or a Nurse Practitioner. Mary Artery, who is a Nurse Practitioner that I have seen before, came and supervised. She asked me questions while the nurses unhooked the chemo, hooked up a bag of saline and started pushing benadryl and cortisone into me. They also hooked up the pulse oximeter and the blood pressure cuff...my pulse had shot up...but only 20 points...I get it higher than that when I at the gym...way higher!

I slowly started feeling less sick and the heat was subsiding, no longer felt like ripping my clothes off. I was still itching and it spread to my feet.

A doctor came in and asked me about the itching and then asked if I was having trouble breathing...which is what they were most worried about. I told him, "trust me, if I was having trouble breathing I'd tell you right off!" For awhile they were questioning if they should call for paramedics to come to take me to the ER. The doc told them that if I was breathing okay, the meds they were giving me was working and not to call for more help. GOOD!

Then XXXX screwed up the ending, made me sit there an extra 25-30 minutes for nothing. She is a mess. She also screwed up the lady in the room with me....during my "episode" the ladies pump went off and XXXX asked the Mary Artery (great name for a nurse, by the way) to hit the big orange button at the bottom....to pause the pump. Then XXXX forgot that the pump was paused and the lady sat there for a LOOOONG time with the pump on pause. XXXX finally came to check, realized what happened and turned it back on. When someone asked her about it, she said "I guess Mary Artery was trying to help!" What a jerk. She blames everyone else for her empty-headedness.

Am I going to have a thesis worth of information to give to whoever is in charge of this program when all this is over. I was debating about whether or not I should say something, but everytime it gets worse.

I said before I was lucky Sandy was with me. I think if she had not been there I wouldn't have told XXXX about the symptoms I was having in a timely manner. I am reluctant to interrupt her as she gets so flustered and defensive. I probably wouldn't have said anything until the itching hit my feet and who knows, maybe I would have gotten to the breathing problems point. This isn't right.

So, I have my list of things to do:

Call Wendy and find out what the protocol says about having a CBC drawn weekly...I hope not...I want to spare my poor little veins.

Call Mary Artery and ask her to talk to Dr. McCourt about the Carboplatinum. Mary mentioned that maybe they would have me get my chemo as an inpatient, so they could desensitize me and observe me closely. I LOVE THAT IDEA!!!

By the way, XXXX didn't tell me anything about what my options might be about the carboplatinum. We had to ask her about it and all she said was talk to Dr. McCourt about it when I go for my next visit (which would be two days before my next chemo). Sandy and I don't think this is a good idea...it's not enough time to arrange for in-patient if that's the route we decide to go. I do want to keep getting the carbo, even though the side effects are the ones that bother me a lot--the cardboard mouth, etc. So, I'm not taking XXXX'S advice (SUPRISE!)...I'm going to talk to Mary Artery about it first.

I am going to insist that my CA125 be drawn from my port. I have to have it drawn at Providence, to keep it consistent. XXXX or whoever is my nurse will have to draw it from the port.

I hope I get to have at least one chemo as an inpatient and I hope that I get Marcia as my nurse. I called her and told her what was going on (I couldn't go visit her, I was too woozy). She said she would love to be my chemo nurse again.

So that was a long and exciting day. I have learned, as Charmine said, "watch out what you wish for!" I could use a little less of this kind of excitement.

But you, Dear Reader, have to admit that it's more fun reading this stuff than it reading about what games I've watched and how much time I've spent on the "throne," now isn't it? Yes, yes you are all sick, depraved people...thriving on the misfortunes of others.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???!!!! I COULD HAVE DIED, YOU ASSHOLES!!!

HA HA!!! I love you all....you are people "after my own heart."

NIGHTY NIGHT! (I won't sleep again tonight...not diarrhea...the cortisone sends me zipping along until about tomorrow afternoon)