Progress

Today I had a therapy appointment and in retrospect I have to admit I have come a long way since I started therapy last fall.   That book on Ovarian Cancer has really helped me identify and deal with, some issues. 

Last week I talked with a friend about my feeling that I have to "cut some people loose"...distance myself from relationships that are energy-sucking, or unhealthy, or just no long feel good.  I was a little reticent to discuss my feelings with her, but to my relief, she understood completely what I was talking about, which has given me more encouragement to make what are some difficult decisions.

The decisions are difficult in that I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.  I'm not going to make any pronouncements to these people that I don't want to continue as a "friend"...I'm just going to fade away from the relationships.   Other than the desire to not hurt anyone, the decisions are easy.  I know the relationships I want to ease out of...and deciding to do so definitely feels good and right to me. 

So now, with that stuff behind me, I can move on.  

I am still reading the book, albeit, very slowly.  I haven't read anything since last week.  What I read last week brought back a lot of bad memories.  

What is very interesting to me is that the author of the book was diagnosed at almost exactly the same time that I was.  We went through surgery, and subsequent recuperation around the same time.  We started chemo around the same time.  We were in the same clinical trial for Avastin.  Very eery.

Anyway, I read the chapter about her surgery and the aftermath of said surgery, and it really hit close to home.   We probably were sitting on the toilet, late at night at the same time.  I wish I had known, I would have called her and we could have chatted, comparing notes, to pass the time. 

Post surgery is a very dark place and I hope I don't have to go through that again.  I know I'd make it through, but it's not very pleasant, not at all.  The woman who wrote the book certainly documented most of the side effects and the unpleasantness.  She was very thorough. 

Tomorrow I have chemo and they will draw the CA 125 again to recheck those bad results we got last time.  Jean is coming with me to chemo and afterwards we are going to Trader Joe's.  She has never been there before and I have to buy a bunch of stuff for the weekend.  I love Trader Joe's.   Then we will go get lunch somewhere...probably the "Middle of Nowhere Diner" as I know she has that place in her mind.  When she used to take me to chemo we used to stop there sometimes on the way home.  It's our "special place."

Friday I have another Reflexology appointment with Christine in Rhode Island.  Then, when Sandy comes home, we are off in the RV, to the Hebron Fairgrounds for the New England Jack Russell Terrier Association Trial.   The dogs will be doing lure coursing, "going to ground", find the rat in the barn and other fun games.   Gina is coming down from Maine with her Russells so we will be catching up with her.  Fun!  

I went to Ross Hill RV park and made reservations for us to stay there the last week of June and first week of July, while the men are here working on the bathroom renovations.   I tried to pick a semi-remote site, with an open field on one side and the maintenance barn area on the back side.  The more removed the dogs are from other RVs, the better. 

They did do well at Acadia when we had other RVs all around us...but I just as soon not push it with them.   They are Jack Russells after all.

Sandy has been watching Howard Stern on AGT with me and we have both enjoyed the shows.  I tried to watch a few years ago, when Piers Morgan was a judge.  I didn't last more than a few minutes.  I really like it now.  I am a huge Howard fan but I think the combo of Howard, Sharon Osbourne and Howie Mandel is perfect.  They are all funny and recognize talent when they see it.

The Sox are coming back and I am relieved.  I do have that tattoo on my ankle and I'd hate to have to have it lasered off because I was so ashamed of my team.   They have a long road trip coming up and I'm hoping they continue to do well.

My nephew Andrew graduated from Eastern last night with a BA in education.  He's hoping he gets into grad school now and I'm hoping he does too.  There are no jobs out there.  Might as well stay in school.  My niece Virginia graduates from grad school soon.  She had a job interview for a teaching position and we are keeping our fingers crossed for her!  Both of them are such good kids, I love them.

Okay, time to make my dinner.  I'm having leftover chicken picata that I made the other night, using my new Eating Well with Cancer cookbook.  I love their recipes!

Later!

Okay, I was going to keep my mouth shut about this, but I am so frosted about the whole thing that I can't help myself.

Monday I went out with Pauline.  When I came home there was a message on my answering machine from Melanie, the nurse practitioner I saw last week at the Oncology center.  She examined me and interviewed me before Dr. McCourt came in to see me. 

Anyway, Melanie's message was that she was trying to reach me to discuss "some test results" with me.  She tried to call back at 7pm, but I just missed her.  She said she would be back to work on Wednesday.

Sooooo...this means I have to stew about this message for two days.  UGH!  Of course I figured out quickly that the results in question have to be my CA 125 test, which was the only test results that we didn't have at the time we met last week.  I figured that the numbers went up...but I wasn't worried about it because 1) the CT scan results were great and 2) this has happened before when I was on chemo and it was just a glitch.  The numbers came back down quickly.  

So I stew slowly since Monday night.  Even though I have it figured out, it still stays on my mind, because that's the nature of the beast, I suppose.  I even woke up this morning thinking about it!  So, I call her back this morning after I have breakfast...and it's just as I thought....but the number was ridiculously high....87.  It goes up to 87 from 5?    Sandy points out that inflammation could make that happen and guess what?  When I had the blood drawn for the test, I was still having some symptoms from the stupid UTI.  So, I am definitely sure that next week when they will run the test again, the number will drop back down.

 My doctor isn't concerned, she said she "wasn't impressed" with the CA 125 results.  She isn't considering changing anything about my treatment.  She will order the test again and I will have another CT scan in four weeks. 

So why am I frosted?  I'm frosted because they should have not told me about the results of this test until next week when I came up for treatment or they should have just left a detailed message, including what my doctor's reaction is about the whole thing.  I told Melanie this....next time just leave the message.  She is a very nice person...is very forthcoming with information (she's the first one to give me a copy of the CT scan report), but she leaves a message like that for me on the phone?  She won't do that again.  I also gave her my cell number and told her to use that number if she can't get me at home.

On to other updates.  I will be covering some Sun games this year, starting June 1st.  I may cover the opener on May 20th, but I have to check what time the game is, we are at the Hebron Fairgrounds for the Jack Russell games that day. 

Okay off now to enjoy this rainy sleepy day.

Later

Feeling much better as the antibiotic did it's work!  Went to chemo Thursday and saw Dr. McCourt before the infusion.  My CT scan results were great...the second tumor doesn't show up at all on the scan now!  The other one is only a centimeter long and holding there.  Hoping to make that one disappear soon...I think that's a good goal for me to have.

In my last post I alluded to decisions I am making.  One of the biggest is that I am FINALLY reading about ovarian cancer.  I have not read much information on this disease since I was diagnosed, mostly because most of what I did read was negative and I didn't want any negativity getting in my way.

I have evolved to the point where I can finally read about what "they" say about ovarian cancer and I have to admit what "they" say is pretty grim.  This doesn't bother me as much as the fact that I have allowed myself to think/feel what Sandy has been going through.   We talked about it the other night and she said to me "ask me any question you want."   I love her so.  We had a wonderful talk, which I am not going to share because...   Suffice it to say that I don't worry so much about how she is feeling/handling things.  She is a nurse, she knows about these things.  

We have always said that if something were to happen to the other one, we know that our lives would go on...and neither of us would allow ourselves to wallow in depression.  Loss is part of life after all.  And also...we both know that the partner who "departed" wouldn't want the remaining one to be unhappy.  We would miss the other, but we would live our lives.   I think this is a good attitude to have. 

Call me judgmental and I will accept that moniker.  I don't understand people who carry on grieving for years and years...and I know some people like this.  I think that in some cases, alcohol helps them continue to grieve.  I can't imagine that their departed partner would be happy about them continuing to wallow in their misery.  I suppose it's a mental health thing, but then I wonder why they don't go and get some help?

It makes me think of country western songs...where all that kind of behavior (endlessly carrying the torch, drinking) is celebrated.  In reality, there is nothing romantic, desirable or healthy about it.

Speaking of alcohol...I haven't had a sip in almost a year.   Can't drink when I'm on that clinical trial drug...can't go out in the sun for too long either, but I digress.  The subject is alcohol and I don't miss it one bit.  I look around however, and I see folks my age who still drink to excess...I mean getting drunk...and who's lives revolve around alcohol....and I don't want to be around them any more.  Call me a prude...there, another name to call me...a Judgmental Prude...but I don't want to be around people who are drinking too much.  Don't like the unpredictability, don't like the slurred speech, don't want the drama.

This is another decision I'm making....withdraw from those situations where I will be around people who are going to drink too much.

Now I get down from my pedestal.

Anyway, I'm reading a great book...a little at a time...I can only handle so much emotionally.  The book is called "Memoirs of a Debulked Woman:   Enduring Ovarian Cancer."   Debulking is what they call the surgical process of removing as much of a tumor as they can/as many tumors as they can.  I was "debulked" twice...in 2008, when Dr. LaChance removed as much of my omentum (the lining of your abdomen) as he could as it was "spackled with tumors...like lumps in frosting" and again in 2009 when Dr. McCourt removed as much of the tumor that still sits by my spleen that she could. 

The woman who wrote this book looks at the statistics for surviving ovarian cancer (20%) and isn't counting on being in the 20%.   This is where she and I differ.  She felt relief when she was first diagnosed because then she knew how she would die...most people don't get to know how they are going to die.   I felt relief, because FINALLY I knew what was wrong with me and we could get to work doing something about it.

I'm sure that it is going to be emotionally difficult for me to read parts of this book, it's already been hard and I'm just on the second chapter!  I don't agree with this author on her outlook on her prognosis, but I am learning a lot about myself, how I feel about things and how I approach things.

I am sure I will be making more decisions about relationships, how I spend my time and my money, what I keep and what I get rid of.  I may even drop out of contact for a bit...I need time to process things...a lot of things.

Good thing I have a therapist already on the payroll. 

Later....

May

It's been an up and down time for me, emotionally and physically the past month.  I have made some important decisions about my life, some which I will talk about here and some which I will not share.

I find that I have been weepy lately.  Maybe it's because I haven't felt too good, the allergies are hitting and I ended up with a raging UTI last week and am now on 14 days of antibiotics.  I drag around alot, even though I have been working out and trying to get lots of protein and energy foods. 

Todd came over and looked at the bathroom and heard the work I need to have done and he recommended a guy he knows who does small jobs and does good work.   That guy came over and gave me a good estimate.  Now I just have to finish removing the damned wallpaper...I have worked on that for four days and still have a lot more to go, then the painting of the ceiling, walls, vanity and then I can have the workers come and do the shower and the floor.  Oh, and I have to rip up the stupid pink carpet and the tile in the bathroom before they do the work. 

I took a two week break from the wallpaper job as I wasn't feeling well.  This week I'm taking it easy as well...I have chemo on Thursday.  Next week I'll go at the wallpaper again, this time armed with the steamer I bought at Home Depot.

I did get to go out to lunch with Sue...we went to Rein's.  I brought home corned beef, chopped liver and seeded rye and have enjoyed a few sandwiches since our trip.   Oh...and I also got to go see Grace and go to Pauline's birthday party...so I have been out a bit.

Robin is teaching six weeks of classes in energy and I signed up for them.  I missed the first one because I'm a dope and then missed last week because I was sick.  I have attended two of the classes and have enjoyed them...and learned from them.  We are learning about chakras and doing some relaxation exercises.  I do them at night to help me get to sleep.

At our agility trial I felt sick on Saturday and kind of stayed close to the RV.  I got my work done for the volunteer snacks, but didn't do much extra stuff.   Sunday it rained and I felt a bit better.  Sandy paid for me to have a Reflexology session with Christine Seifert.  I didn't know much about this process, I just knew I needed to make sure my feet were clean!   Well, she hit a spot on the soles of both feet that sent pulsing waves through my whole body!   When I was en route to her tent for the session, my abdomen was hurting, I was hunched over and my breathing was shallow.  I really questioned whether I should keep the appointment.   When I left, my abdomen didn't hurt (and didn't start hurting later, either) and I could walk upright. 

I am going to have to have another session sometime down the road.  I think it really helped my pain and my diarrhea has really slowed down for the first time in a long time. 

Went to see Dr. Valin for follow-up on my hernia surgery.  He is very pleased...no sign of the hernia and he says the mesh is wonderful.  He also said I don't have to come back again for follow-up for that surgery...just for the by-pass tests.  

I decided to take antacids regularly since I think I have reflux and that contributes to the diarrhea.   It can't hurt...and I think it helps keep up whatever the Reflexology started. 

Dr. Valin is concerned about my rapid weight loss (32 lbs since Jan) and told me to "liberalize" my diet...which means to eat stuff that have heretofore been forbidden.  But food doesn't taste good to me, due to the chemo and that's what makes it hard for me to maintain my weight.   I don't mind losing a few more pounds but I am getting to the weight where Dr. LaChance wanted me to be and it's dicey going below that. 

So, I went online and looked up taste issues due to chemo and found two cookbooks that help with this and with maintaining a good energy level.  I ordered the books on Amazon and look forward to getting them soon.  They have recipes that address diarrhea issues too. 

Sandy thinks that even though the literature doesn't say it, I need to really flush my system after chemo.  Supposedly Avastin is not one of those drugs that need to be flushed, but every time I get it, I have symptoms of a UTI....itching and burning when I pee.  This last time it turned into a full-fledged UTI.  I can't go through that every two weeks...I'd never get off antibiotics!

The dogs are barking now because they think Sandy is home.  This reminds me of our "nightmare day" yesterday.  The guys came to clean the furnace and service the AC units....they ended up being here for about three and a half hours.   And for three and a half hours, the dogs barked at them.  It was a friggin' zoo here.  I told Sandy that when the crew is here working on the bathroom, we are moving to a local RV park.   I'm not going to put up with that nonsense.  I ended up in tears yesterday after the guys finally left and the dogs started barking again because they thought Sandy was home.  It wore me out.

I'm hoping May flies by fast.  It always makes me miserable.  I'm already having the headaches, stuffed nose and the aching chest.  I have to take the inhaler four times a day already...and it barely makes a dent.  I can't wait to go back to Dr. Ber, my allergist.  I'm hoping he can do more to help with the breathing problems.

It seems to me that I'm doing nothing but whining in this blog.  So be it.  Let me whine here. 

I am looking forward to some visits with friends coming up...some plans to go kayaking and a trip to Maine on Memorial Day Weekend, to watch Sandy and Rocket run in the Canicross.   Oh...and the JRT trials in Hebron the third weekend of the month...and working the Truck event in Voluntown for the Ovarian Cancer Coalition.  And other fun stuff. 

See, it isn't all whining.  

Later.

April

Lots of s... going down...figuratively and literally.

I worried a lot over the past month over a few things and this is how it turned out:

My CT scan results showed that one of the tumors is almost nonexistent and the other continues to shrink.  It's been awhile since I thought of the fact that I have actual tumors in me...somewhere up near my liver...and I don't like to think about it, so I had successfully put them out of my mind...until Sandy asked Dr. D about them.  Thanks Sandy.

I can't blame her...she didn't know that I am all about forgetting that I have tumors.  She knows now.

I had been worried because I had been having some abdominal pains and am getting full fast when I eat...which continues.  Both of these could be symptoms that the cancer is back.  But it isn't.

I continue to handle the chemo pretty good.  It is starting to build up again in my system, since my month long chemo hiatus in Jan/Feb.  My blood pressure remains reasonable with the medication...so that is good.

The other thing I have had weighing around my neck like a millstone is the situation with my father, or should I say, with Wini.  She has been resistant to getting help in the home, the housekeeping situation continued to deteriorate after my stay there.  Well, long story short...we had words, she ended up going with me to the Homemaker agency and she agreed to start at two hours a week, to have someone come in twice a week to help Bob bathe. 

She called the house cleaning lady and had her come this week and told her she wants her to come every two weeks!  YAY!   AND, she actually called the Homemaker agency and arranged for services to start next Tuesday!  REALLY YAY!  

I know that once she gets more comfortable with the person they send, she will expand the services.  I have been telling her all the possibilities--they could transport Bob to get his hair cut, go to the personal trainer, etc...non medical appointments--giving her some free time.  They could sit with Bob and do an activity with him while she goes out shopping for herself...or out with a friend, etc.  To give her a break.  They could help her with grocery shopping, menu planning, etc. 

I did not go up to Putnam this week and plan to not return until the end of the month when we go back to Dr. Botta's office. 

I slept so good the night after we went to the Homemaker's office.  I could finally see some hope on the horizon.  If I don't have to run up to Putnam so frequently, I can get somethings done here...like all the work I want to do in the bathroom. 

There is a LOT of work to be done.  I plan to (with some help) do the following jobs:  strip wallpaper in main bath and the WC; paint the walls in the main bath, WC and laundry room; remove the yucky pink carpeting and the sections of tile floor in MB and WC and laundry room; remove shower door, shower insert and shower floor and maybe destroy the wall next to the window; remove vanity top; sinks and faucets; paint vanity; install new vanity top; sinks and faucets.

I want to pay people to: plumb the shower so the shower head can be moved to back wall (or the other wall); install plumbing for whirlpool tub; tile shower-with storage nooks and a built-in seat; install a handheld shower and a "rainhead" shower on an adjustable pole; install a glass wall (or half wall) on the side of the shower next to the window; install a glass door; install a river rock shower floor and tile the MB; WC and laundry room. 

I think that by doing a lot of the jobs ourselves, we can keep costs down to a dull roar.  If we do, then I want to also have the pros install a whirlpool tub with a deck around it--tiled to match the shower.  And glass tile as the back splash. 

I still have to decide what to do about the HUGE mirror we have over our oversized vanity.  Do we keep it, even though it's a "dated" look; or do I go for individual mirrors over each sink?  What about the lighting?  Would it be possible to lower the shower ceiling (it's about 12' high now) and install a heat lamp feature in it?  Should I put in heated floors?  The mirror and the lighting is stuff we can do, lowered ceiling/heat lamp/heated floors are something I would want the pros to do.

No matter what, our bathroom is going to look a lot nicer!  I'm also thinking of putting in some shelving for linens, we have only a small linen closet and we have so many linens!  We need a place to store all the medical supplies we have for ourselves and for the animals.  Maybe I move all that to the other bathroom or to my "office" in one of the spare bedrooms.   Nah, shelving in the bathroom would be a better option...we do have the room for it. 

When I start the work I'll take lots of before, during and after shots to document the horror.  HA HA!  I'm sure that there will be moments of horror, but that's what home improvement is all about. 

So, that is my goal, to begin work next week on the bathroom.  To get the wallpaper off and get some paint samples and see how they look on the wall.  I have all day Monday, Tuesday after my workout and all day Thursday to work on this.  Sandy is off on Wednesday, but we aren't going to spend our time together working on the bathroom! 

I'm getting psyched! 

Oh, on other things...I continue to lose weight.  My workouts have kickstarted my metabolism, but I also continue to fill up fast and most food tastes like shit (side effect of the chemo)...so losing weight is easy.  I have to go shopping for new jeans, I can slide these off without unfastening or unzipping them!  I like it.  I want to get down another 10 pounds or so and then I'll start to worry if I'm still losing.  I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Our SNEAK trial is coming up on the 21st and 22nd of the month, at the Chester Fairgrounds.  We'll be taking the RV on her maiden voyage (of the year).  We just picked it up today from Arlington where we had brought it last week to have the new awnings put on over the bedroom windows and the dining area window.  It looks SO GOOD!  If you want to see it, swing by the house, or come to the agility trial, watch the doggies run and get a tour of "Jacks-in-a-Box." 

Dori has finally retired and she and I promised ourselves some kayaking.  I'll be using the new trailer, hitched up to Sandy's car, to haul my kayak and anyone else's to get us down to the water!  Can't wait!  I may even take Bubbles with me, she is the best behaved of all of them on the kayak.  She loves it too.

It's Red Sox time and I'm loving the sounds of Jerry and Don's voices sounding in the house as I do my work.  I even manage to take some time to sit down and watch.  The other day their voices put me to sleep in the recliner!  I woke up in time to see the Sox briefly rally in the ninth and then lose it at the bottom of the ninth.  Figures.  Oh well...I love baseball and so I am happy that it will be on just about every night from now until ?

Oh, I got a new Weber grill (a small portable one) and stand for the RV and have tried it out a couple of times.  It could become our main grill..it is THAT good.  We also got a shade for the big awning...it will hang down from the edge of the awning to give us side shade...we had been using the silver dog shades for that, but this is so much easier to employ and will look a lot nicer than those silver things.  So, we have been spending $$ on the RV and now we have to save for the gas!  That Social Security check comes in handy for things like that...the "extras."

So, you can see that Life is Good...things are humming along and plans are being made.  Will report on all as we progress.  Anyone who feels like painting, ripping out floors, etc...feel free to come on over and we'll put you to work!

Later...

catching up

It's been rather busy around here the past week or so.  Last week I went up to Putnam to see Bob and Wini and to take them out for lunch.  We went to "Someplace Special" where we all had the eggplant meal.  It was great!  Next time I might try the eggplant grinder.

Then we went to get Bob's coat that I had dropped off at the cleaner's.  They were able to get a lot of the grime off of it, but not all.  It's a shame...a LL Bean, down coat with down hood and he didn't clean it often enough.  Oh well, the zipper works and the coat is very light weight but warm, so he can use it for kicking around at home. 

I had another talk with Wini about accepting help in the home.  I reassured her again that there is plenty of money to pay for it and asked her to look at her schedule and let me know when we could make an appointment at the Homemaker agency.  

When I went home and told Sandy, she suggested that I go ahead and make the appointment for next Tuesday as I'm going back up there anyway to take Bob and Wini to see Dr. Botta.  What a great idea!   I called and the agency is going to send someone to the house on Tuesday afternoon.  AND, they will talk with Dr. Botta and HE will tell Wini about the appointment, to help keep me from being the "bad guy."

Wini was asking me about our Direct TV service, saying that they don't get many channels on their cable system...they don't want to pay for more channels.  She was wondering if she could get more channels with Direct Tv without having to pay more.   I had a brilliant idea last night while I was sitting on the potty (another night on the pot).  I am going to use some of Bob's money to get them a large, flat screen tv and increase their channels on the cable system.  I'll pay for the increased channels too. 

If Wini doesn't see the money going out, she won't worry about it so much.  I'm going to take part of his checking account and savings account money and open a separate account for his behalf.  I'll pay for the lady to clean the house, the home maker/health aide people and the cable bill from that account.  This will help keep Wini calmer about the money, and since she won't have a cable bill to pay, puts more money into her pocket, which might make her happier.

If I do get a new tv for them--they always LOVE our huge flat screen tv...then I will insist that all the other televisions in the cellar get pitched out, except for one.  I think I counted four televisions down there.  We have multiple tvs in our house, but at least we have hook-ups for each of them!  I did get rid of a couple of TVs we had and I know that you have to either donate them to Goodwill or some organization like that or leave them by the side of the road out front with a  FREE sign on them.  None of your friends ever seem to want a huge ancient television.

I think Wini will benefit from an HD tv set.  She has poor vision, not like "eagle eye Miller" and it will help her to be able to read the scores in ball games, etc.

I feel as though a weight has lifted a bit, with the thought that maybe, just maybe, we'll be getting help into the home for Bob and for Wini.  Brian and I have been communicating more lately for their benefit and he is reinforcing things with her that I discuss with her.

Tuesday I went for my workout with Jessica, but got there late due to getting an unexpected phone call as I was leaving the house...we agreed to reschedule the workout to Friday.  I stayed and worked out on my own for 40 minutes...and did well.

On Thursday I had to go for the CT scan I should have had before last week's chemo.  Sue told me to make sure I wore my lucky shoes...and to hold a lucky penny face up in my hand during the scan.  I did as told.  Hoping that all is well.  I have been having some abdominal pains after I eat, but that could have been from the sit-ups I foolishly did in my last work-out.  I just say no to sit-ups now. 

The chemo is building up in my system again.  I'm having the nose bleeds again, the taste problems again and my mouth is very sensitive.  The taste and sensitivity collude to help me to lose weight.  I continue to drop weight steadily averaging over a pound a week now.  I don't mind that at all.  I can wear my grey corduroy slacks again, yay!   

I just hope that the chemo doesn't become toxic.  That is the big danger and would cause them to stop giving it to me and switch to a different drug.  The side effects of Avastin can be very bad in the extreme.   I hope that it stays at this level and there isn't a larger, cumulative effect. 

The weather has me very busy.  I put out the deck furniture last week, did some raking and started thinking about the garden.  This year I want to plant some eggplant, winter squash, and maybe sweet potatoes, in addition to my roma tomatoes, grape tomatoes and herbs.  Sandy plants the rest of the stuff.

It's March Madness and the UConn men have already eliminated themselves from the running.  The women won handily today, look forward to seeing Monday's game.  I love this time of year.  So much basketball to watch!   AND, in between I can catch some Red Sox preseason games!

We are planning more trips in the RV for this year.  We might be going to New Hampshire for Labor Day Weekend...to Camp Wag-it!  It's a camp for dogs and their people to go to and play.  We already have trips to Maine in the works and the usual agility trial trips, beginning next month when we go to Chester Fairgrounds for our agility club's trial.

I ordered the awnings for the bedroom windows and to go over the dining area window.  This will help keep the heat down and also allow us to open the windows when it's raining, without having the rain blow into the RV.   We are also going to order a sunscreen that drops down from the big awning to provide some shade under the awning as the sun moves across the sky.  We had been putting up the silver sunscreens that we have for agility, but this will be neater and easier to put up and take down.

I am on a spending spree it seems.  I'm itching to buy a small table top grill for the RV and I'm leaning toward the Weber Q100 which gets good reviews.  I love grilling and it would be great to be able to grill when we are RVing.   Also it would cut down on the heat inside the RV, saving the air conditioning. 

I'm also itching to get started on our master bathroom.  I want to paint the cabinets, replace the counter top, sinks and faucets.  Replace the shower.  Remove the horrid pink carpeting and replace it with ceramic tile (or something equivalent)...maybe put the sub-floor heating system in so we have warm floors.  Remove the wallpaper and paint the walls...I think a "sea foam" blue.   That has caught our eye.   All this takes $$.  I will have to examine my finances and see how much I can set aside from my Social Security check.  And figure out what we can do by ourselves (pull up carpet, remove shower, paint, install tile) and what we need to hire pros to do.  I had wanted to put in a shower with glass on two sides and tile the other two walls.  Perhaps a shower surround (with drop-down seat and grab bars) might be more the way to go.  We shall see.

Today Sandy took Rocky down to meet the new dog at 690 Vauxhall, Lily.  They hit it off beautifully so next we will introduce her to Truman.  She had the good sense to roll over and play bow to Rocky when he initially snarled at her, so I don't think she and Tman will have problems.  It's Bubbles we have to watch...she can't stand other females!  

Now Sandy is en route home with my supper that Jean made....corned beef and the works!  YAY! 

Another busy week ahead.  Keep fingers crossed that I DO NOT hear the results of my CT scan until I see the doctor in the first week of April....no news is definitely good news in this case.  I have to admit that I am a little worried about this one. 

Later!

Vacation and "vacation?"

Since I can't remember when I last wrote here I can only assume that I did not write about the Costa Rica trip.  February is really a blur in my rear view mirror right now.

I' share some of my favorite pictures from Costa Rica--which was a FABULOUS trip!  It met or exceeded all my expectations.  I have many more pictures but these are some of my favs and I don't want to stress your bandwidth!

If you ever  had a notion to go to Costa Rica go with Caravan.  They are the greatest!  We stayed at wonderful hotels, traveled around the country in airconditioned, leather seated style and went on so many great side trips--on boats up and down rivers, seeing wildlife, to volcanoes, to plantations, it was all amazing!  The food and tips for restaurant and hotel staff are all included in the already low price.  Our guide was fabulous and funny.  I felt safe, secure and comfortable the whole way.  It was wonderful.

Now I will only buy coffee from Costa Rica, will search out bananas that are from Costa Rica, etc.  I will do what I can to support that wonderful country.  How can you not like a country that got rid of their military about 70 years ago and used the money to build schools and provide national health care to their citizens?   AND, their number one industry is eco-tourism...so they preserve a large percentage of their country for the benefit of the birds, animals and flora that lives there.  Wonderful!

The week after I got home from that adventure I set off on another adventure of a lifetime.   I went to Westerly to Zoe and Co and got fitted for bras!   Sue Gardner came with me.  We had adjoining dressing rooms.  It was rather funny--my ample bosoms and her 'minus numbers" boobs....and we turned out to be the same size!   32!   Of course the cup sizes were a bit different!   We had a good laugh, I bought a bunch 'o bras and then we went for lunch. 

So, now, for the first time since fifth grade, my boobs are right where they should be.  It took awhile to get used to the tightness of the band around my chest...I had been wearing 34's for years.  Now it feels perfect. 

The next week I left for my Putnam adventure.  Wini left a day early as she had a very early morning flight on Wednesday, so I went up there on Tuesday.  Took Bob out to the Golden Greek for dinner so Wini could finish packing.  When we got back she was gone which might not have been the best thing.  He had said goodbye to her, told her he loved her and would miss her and all, but when we got back he was confused about where she was, etc.   I had to keep telling him where she was going and when she would return.

The next day he called me Wini and didn't ask about her again until she called that night and he got confused about who he was talking to on the phone, who I was, etc.

This would go on every day.  Some days were better than others as far as what he remembered about his life.

In the meantime, I was busy cleaning out his room, going through all the boxes that remained in there.  I was very happy to find his original will and testament, the original of the Power of Attorney he  had assigned to me.  This enabled me to go to the banks and FINALLY get the financial information I needed to complete the application to Westview for him.

I was able to pull out items that he loved, could relate to and left those for him to see, touch, read in his room.  Got his bedding all cleaned and went through his clothing and got rid of stuff he can't fit into anymore.  In short, his room was totally cleaned.  This, of course, was a change and even though he liked it and appreciated that he could move around and use his whole room, it still was change and he had some trouble adjusting. 

Not that he was aware of all the "stuff" he had in his room, but I did reassure him that I was going to find people who would want/benefit from the stuff that I had removed.  He was happy to hear that.  When he first packed up these boxes that he had in his room and in the cellar, he had carefully categorized them:  family stuff, Aspinock stuff, St. Mary's stuff, Troop 21 stuff.  Wini had thrown the monkey wrench in the works when she insisted that I go through every piece of paper with him.  This approach stalled the whole process and led to some items being removed from the collections. 

It's all good now.  I have five boxes of material that the Town Historian is taking.  Peter Johnston came and hauled away four legal boxes and two huge garbage bags of stuff to be shredded--old checks, IRS stuff, medical stuff etc from 10-15 years ago.  Brian and Pat came up and hauled away loads of trash.  It was great having all the help from the family.

I was like a shark while I was up there, kept moving and moving.  Every time I sat down to rest I thought of something else I could do.  I cleaned the house (minus Wini's room) from stem to stern and hoped that Wini would accept having the cleaning lady come every week. 

I bought a hand held shower system and Peter installed it for me.  I worked out a good shower routine for Bob...I helped him shower twice in the time I was there.  He looked good and more importantly, smelled great!  I would wash his hair and face...as the first time he showered he scrubbed at the spot on his temple where he had the cancer removed and caused it to bleed.    So, after that I decided I would wash his head.  He took care of the rest.  Getting in and out of the tub is tough for him, but he has a grab bar to hold onto and that helps.

Bob and I enjoyed watching the Huskies play twice, he really got into the Notre Dame game.  He went to bed early and napped, so he could get up for the 9pm start.  He and I kept getting confused by the stupid uniforms the Huskies were wearing that night and more than once we found ourselves accidentally rooting for Notre Dame, who were wearing blue!

I got him over to the dentist to find out why he kept bleeding on the pillow at night.  I had to throw out three pillows that had blood all over them.  Turns out he had found an old pair of dentures in his room and had "mismatched" the old top plate with the new bottom plate!   He had also been wearing the dentures to bed and was chewing his lip in his sleep....he had a laceration on the inside of his lip.  We threw out the old dentures and figured out a procedure to insure that he didn't wear his teeth to bed.  Hopefully his lip will heal.  I had him rinse with salt water a couple of times a day to try to get it healed up.  That's an old remedy he could relate to---he always had us rinse with salt water for all kinds of things, if you lost a tooth, if you threw up, etc. 

We had fun during the week, we went out to eat a few times and I even went with him to church.  He enjoyed the meals I prepared for him and praised my cooking.  He always was appreciative of good meals and always thanked my mother for her meals.  His mother wasn't such a great cook I learned, so he really loved my mother's cooking.

I would love to be able to say that when Wini came home she gladly accepted my offer to have the cleaning lady come in more frequently.  No.  That she and I set an appointment with DKH's Homemaker/Home Health Aide program to get someone to help them with transportation, cooking, bathing, etc.  No. 

I had told her that I didn't want her to shower Bob anymore...it is not safe.  I told her I would come and help him shower until we could get someone in to help him.  She refused. 

Monday I am bringing the boxes to the Town Historian and will take Bob and Wini out to lunch.  I'll try again to get Wini to accept the house cleaning services every other week--Bob has plenty of money to pay for this and for DKH services.  I will try again to get her to stop stalling and set up an appt to meet with the DKH people.  

If I am not successful with these important tasks, when Bob goes to Dr. Botta on the 20th I will be going with them and will be telling Dr. Botta my concerns.  Wini needs help and if she can't/won't accept it, I don't think it is safe/healthy for him to remain in that home.  They both need help now in order for him to stay there. 

We did deliver the application to Westview and they did call me to confirm that they had accepted it.  Bob does have enough money that he could do private pay for a decent amount of time...which must boost his name on the wait list.  The Millers never thought we would get any inheritance anyway...I don't care if we have to spend it all...we aren't going to "cheap out" on his care, just so we can get some bucks down the road.  We don't think that way.

I have to say that spending that time with my Dad was a mixed experience....we had fun--he can still be very funny; we shared some experiences--watching the Huskies; taking walks in his yard and in mine and we just relaxed and enjoyed each other.  On the other hand, I learned how much time and attention and work he needs to be safe and healthy and I don't think Wini can do it alone. 

This last bit is what has caused me to lie awake at night....and I can't afford to lose sleep and get run down...this affects my health.   BTW,  I lost six pounds in the week I was at Bob's. 

Something has to give....